Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Fear of Transitions - Learning to be Content in All Things

It is really strange to type this now but I am feeling a bit afraid because I seem to be phasing out of my health battle. I fought it so fiercely when it appeared again but now that I have learned to embrace it and trust God through it coming of out if is now frightening.

Why? First I think partly it is because I have now become comfortable with what is going on. I have surrendered it to the Lord. I am okay at the place He has had me in. It is a place that I am so often forced to return too with no prior warning.

Yet at this moment it is seeming to lift again. I feel like I can breathe and feel some light at the end of this thing. Maybe it is in my head but the last few days I have felt much stronger than I have in a long time. This is so good and what I longed for and prayed for but now that it is becoming reality I am unsure.

Second, it hurts to get your hopes up to only fall back in soon. Yet I am learning to take each day as a gift the strong days and weak days. Both are a gift. God is so good either way. He is always sustaining us.

Third, I fear moving out of this constant struggle will give me freedom to wander. I pray He binds my heart to Himself so I will stay close. Prosperity is a big test and harder than being in great need. I see my desperation and know my great need. I never want to forget that.

Fourth, this time in this weakness has really birthed a passion in me for those who are in my situation. I want to help others understand how to best minister to us and in my strength minister to them.

Fifth, this phase if I am truly coming out of it takes more discipline because it means I now need to condition my body little by little again in better health by working out.

No matter, what I do know that like Paul, God is teaching me to be content in all circumstances. This Lyme may remain in my body and pull me back down or flare up again but for now I am receiving some healing again and I cannot worry about what tomorrow will bring. I know that now things are looking up.

Paul went through so many crazy life events but he knew God was training Him in contentment in them. So I must trust the same. I have not been through all Paul has been through but there are other thorns as well that will work to keep me humble. Thorns that may or may not be removed though I plead continually for them to be. I must walk, trust, and be content. Our Father only allows what is for our good and His glory in the end. I trust that.

Now, I will continue on this health course I am on. I think these naturals antibiotics and supplements and better eating has contributed greatly to what is happening. All things God uses. I like this biotic silver a lot. I have a week left on it. So we will see what happens. No matter what my hope is in Him not health. For I know my "normal" in this area will be variable and not like anyone else.

"Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need."~Philippians 4:11-12

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