A Bone Weary Season of Motherhood

I have a friend who often times looks at me and tells me I need to get some sleep. She can see it on my face. I am bone weary in this season most of the time. But sleep is not what will fix this. There is more.

I feel as if this season has me pouring out my life like a drink offering. I am being poured out--dry. In these seasons it is so hard to refill because you cannot pour out what you have not filled up. Like my lap top, it gets its charge and works diligently for me until that final drop of electric charge is done then it shuts off. This is me.

Yet I keep pushing this body of mine and if I cannot find rest I will malfunction. Like today. I almost ran away from home. Poured out dry like a desert floor. I feel as if I cannot do anymore. Simple requests start to send me over the edge. This should not be the case. I need REST.

Jesus is the perfect example of an older brother to follow. He poured out His life like this. He became tired. He left and got alone with the Father. I must do this, even if I have to put a towel over my head like Susanna Wesley. I cannot imagine having all the kids she had but when you factor special needs into account it actually ups the ratio for me.

I need to learn to rest. To run to Jesus and sit in His presence. To soak in His word even if everyone around me is screaming. I have an invitation to come away with Him and I will take it. It is that only way for my survival. Boundaries with my kids must be put in place too so I can take that life saving time so I can be filled up to pour it forth again.

The hardest part of this season is living in this continual grief. If you have a special needs child I think traveling through the grief process is continual. Grief is exhausting. The death of dreams and normalcy continually pop up like a jack in the box. You anticipate it but they suddenly pop up and catch you off guard so you grieve.

Yet as Paul, we can "be sorrowful, yet always rejoicing." We can remember God has a plan greater than we think or imagine. He is a good Father and only gives good gifts to His children. So we sit in trust and soak in His presence. Then we move forward again, pour out, fill up. Remember the importance of filling up. Take time to worship God. Get alone. Talk to a friend. Do something you enjoy. Take a walk. And most importantly it is a season. It to will pass.

If you are in a weary season too, learn to rest in HIM. Let us pray for one another in this season.