Lessons on Friendship

I had a best friend through high school. We spent all our time together. It was an unhealthy relationship I now see because it was exclusive. We hang out with others some but spent most of our time consumed with ourselves and making fun of others. But we were tight. I was secure with her.

Then I started to make some other friends because classes kept us apart. I see it as a God thing now. He was protecting us from co-dependency what is so easy to fall into as a female. I made some good friends but my best friend stayed the same. I then found a boyfriend and that even took us further apart however we were still close. I thought. It was very difficult on her to see me get married. I was not going to let it change our friendship though. It was a hard time. As I made other friends as well she resisted this mostly as I could tell. I did not understand. I was not sure if I was betraying a friend in having other friends. I did not understand friendship.

Then as time went on she got married. Things were good. We had more in common both being married. But then I decided to have children. Though she loved my children it brought distance. She was not interested in children. And then our friendship ended. Circumstantially we lost touch. Our lives took different directions. This left a void in my life.

Facebook has been a good way to reconnect with other friends I had the opportunity to make in high school. I had such good times with them. I am so thankful for that. I am thankful I did not stay exclusive with one friend. So my concept of friendship seems more open. Yet I realize not everyone you think will be there for you when you need them. That is what kind of surprises you. But when trials come you get to see who really will be there for you. Who truly sticks close to you in friendship.

I am so thankful for those people who I know faithfully pray for me, leave me a kind word, text me, call me, bring me a meal, send me a card, drive me places, or clean my house. These are the people that can be counted on and can be called friend. All who serve in their different ways. They are the ones who are there and who intentionally care. I guess that is what friendship is. I am still trying to figure it out.

I do see examples though through the Bible like, Naomi and Ruth. Though the Bible does not specifically say it I bet Naomi played a big part in Ruth's life before Ruth served her so in her hard times. I see this clearly in some friends. Like Naomi I have thrown my pity parties and have had friends watch and pray and stick by me still. They are not afraid of my mess. They love me deeper still. That is real friend ship.

Or I also see the example of Mary and Elizabeth. How they were both going through the same thing bringing children in extreme circumstances in the world. A common goal. Learning from and encouraging one another. I see this in my special needs friends. We spur one another on in these special and sometimes extreme circumstances.

Then I see Jonathan and David. These are covenant friends who are there for the distance. These are the friends who are REALLY there. They will go the distance. They are the few, the proud, the marines of friends God provides. I mean the kind who are there for you when your father is trying to kill your bestie you warn them. That is true lasting friendship. These are the people who would take my kids into their homes when I am no longer around because of our deep and lasting friendship. I have a few of these. I can see. Through trials and time and distance you can see these are really true friends who really stick. A blessing indeed.

On Facebook we have many "friends" but who of those really care about you? Who are intentional? And if you do do you let them know? Otherwise it does not matter anyway. People need to know they are cared about. Don't save it for the funeral. Love deeply and love well. We do such a poor job with this. Let people know. Time is short. We do not have forever.

Any thoughts? I really want to understand friendship better. I am curious as to what it looks like to you.