I have a confession to make

I ruined our Father's day celebration for my husband. There I said it. Don't judge me. It started out nice. We took him to a man movie that we all enjoyed (except my youngest because the bullies in the movie scared her). Oh and in the middle of the movie that was rated PG the A word was said several times in a row by a twelve year old actor which was so unnecessary in my opinion for a family movie, just sayin...So she leans over and whispers (but it really sounds like yelling to all those around) and says, "Daddy what is A..? Yeah she said it. So he told her and it was over. I hope. Forgive me in advance if she throws it out there on the playground. But I think we are good and she understands it is not okay to say.

After our movie adventure we went to the restaurant of his choosing. Everyone was very hungry at this point so we ravishly looked over our menus and drooled over the pictures excited to eat soon. However, there was not much I could eat at this restaurant so I was a bit frustrated but it was okay until he stood there.

The server at our table was the young man who rear ended us several months back. I felt very sorry for him at first because he was driving his first truck and just turned 18. He just got his insurance for that truck three days prior. He had that insurance card in a crisp plastic holder. I could still smell the freshness. We exchanged info and the police officer took a report and off we went. All was going to be okay. Until we found something out that dramatically changed things.

Turns out this kid did not have insurance. Now I know that as far as I am aware no agency will give out a crisp card to a client unless they paid something for it in advance. However, even though he had insurance that I saw issued three days prior all of a sudden several weeks later he is uninsured. So something went down that was just not right, honorable, or true. Dishonesty is something that burns me up inside. I cannot handle it and now it was causing our family hardship.

Turns out our insurance company is the greatest and covered everything for us. They were the greatest. I am so thankful for them. Yet it was very hard for me to let it go. The principle of the situation was what I was focused on. I thought I had forgiven this kid but when he was standing there as our server I was red hot. I leaned over to tell my husband who didn't think it was a big deal. Now that made me more hot! Here is the guy who caused us hardship that I was kind too and he didn't want to fly off the handle with me about it. Over some heated words at the table I said I was not staying there. I would not be served by someone who had dishonorable character. I left. Tony stayed to pay the bill for the drinks. He followed.

Remember, we were all so very hungry. The children were uneasy. I felt misunderstood and was really hurt. Hubby was just confused by what just went down. We drove to McDonalds and discussed some more. Crying and frustration was present. Not the present he deserved. Not the environment the family deserved.

Why was this junk in my heart? I don't know but I do know that healing sometimes takes time. Perhaps God was letting me see that there was still unresolved stuff I needed to deal with. I am not sure. Maybe I didn't truly forgive that guy from my heart. I am not even sure what the right situation would have been at the restaurant. I felt vulnerable to someone untrustworthy serving our family. Reconciliation could have been possible then if I just talked to the guy. Or at least attempted reconciliation. I am not even certain he realized who I was. I couldn't even get that far and that vulnerability lead to a blow up with my spouse. The worse Father's day ever!

Life is messy. We will not always act the right way. People will not always respond the way we want them too. But there is grace in the gospel. Jesus died for my mess so that in Him I am complete and whole. That is what the Father sees even though the process of becoming more like Him is long and painful sometimes. I didn't surprise Him with my actions. He loves me still and is completely healing my heart in this situation. We had a re due Father's day on Sunday and it was good. Maybe we should have not tried to change it in the first place!