In honor of my 200th post I am posting a beautiful story of restoration! God is so good I tell you. It is appropriate especially if you read my 100th post, A Story I Did Not Want to Tell.
I was hurt deeply. I did not want to admit it but it was what it was. I did not want to talk to God anymore because He hurt me. Like in all other relationships the one I trusted the most still hurt me. Why? I was completely honest and open with Him. I had torn down all my walls. Why?
This day in my life lead me down a wonderful journey of healing and discovery. It has unearthed the most precious treasures in my life. I can truly say I now praise God for the experience. Yes it hurt but looking now at this side of it I have truly been blessed.
I do not have a time in my life that I can remember not talking to God. Though no one really explained it to me it seemed to be a very natural thing. When hurts came my way God would draw me away to a quiet place and I would pour my heart out to Him. It was natural. It was a gift.
With that gift I had become spoiled. I have seen so many prayers answered the way I prayed them. It was a blessing. People started recognizing me as the "prayer warrior." The one they wanted praying about the big stuff. It was nice to be recognized. Although I did not intend for this to happen, deep down pride started building up in my heart. I started to trust in the blessings and provisions of God more than God Himself. Something had to be done.
So, stirred by the Holy Spirit and with faith that could move mountains, I prayed that bus prayer. I was a fool in front of the entire bus because God said no that day. I cried for several hours straight. A crush to my pride. A deep hurt that started to cause me to build those walls of protection again. God was not allowed in those certain places anymore.
God was not done yet. He had bigger and better things in store. Through this process of healing He has deepened my walk with Him as I have learned to trust Him more. He has deepened our relationship and is teaching me to be a better prayer warrior. To trust His ways no matter what because even when I do not understand His ways are best.
On this side of the healing of my hurt. I have opened those places back up again to Him. He has taught me how to pour out my heart like David. He has never ceased to be faithful. He has waited patiently for me to come back to Him. He has applied that healing balm to my heart.
To confirm things to me and my doubts, God has placed two things in front of me. One, a girlfriend of mine has asked me to lead a prayer retreat. Two, God has confirmed that I am to go on a mission trip to Malta on a prayer walking mission. I just found out the day we start our "work" there is the international day of prayer. Oh God is so perfect in His timing.
So, that is my 200th post! :) It came much faster than my 100th. I wonder what that means?
Love to you all. Thanks for your wonderful friendships. I praise God for you.
10 comments:
Re your comment on my blog: Thank you so much for sharing in my excitement, and for your prayers! Both are much appreciated! :)
THANK YOU for posting this - you are a real blessing to me - you have no idea - thank you for being honest - I feel as though I am where you were but you give me hope that I can come through this. I am so thankful that our God is so good to you - He loves you Angela - He knows you are wonderful and as you say so often to others "The King is entralled with your beauty"
You are a wonderful sister - thank you!
Thank YOU for posting 200 posts- Every one of them have been a blessing!
I understand everything! You do seem to have a huge heart for prayer. Praise God that you've continued to grow, even in and through the hurts. Bless you as you go forward into more responsibility and ministry. I'm excited for you!
Hugs, e-Mom
I'm glad we've become blogging friends Angela. And I am so happy that you'll be able to minister on the retreat and in this mission trip. Praise God for opening doors to share His hope and healing.
How good it is to be brought to that place where we let God be God. Like you said, sometimes He answers "No" but we just need to trust Him anyway.
For twelve years I struggled with a "No" answer from God. It was His answer to my prayers for God to protect my family.
When my first husband died in a horrible car accident, I knew he was instantly with the Lord, that was not an issue for me. But deep down I struggled with the fact that God had not answered my prayer for protection. He is gracious and good and helped me through the pain, brought much healing and new insights from His precious Word, but one day the light just clicked about HOW God protects us.
God showed me that even though my husband's death was violent, God Himself was with my husband that day. God the Father held him in His protective hand and NEVER let go. My husband was protected all the way home.
I sent that thought to A Cup of Comfort Devotional for Women several years ago and God allowed that particular piece to be published. It was my first published work.
And I PRAISE GOD for you!!!
This was beautiful, so honest and straight from your heart.
Love you girl!
steph.
I was on that bus and I loved that prayer. Think how much more the Father loved it. "No" hurts but faith perseveres. Blessings on all the work God has put before you! He will do great things.
Oh you wonderful bloggy friends! I am so praising God for you all! THanks for your kind words. You are all an added bonus from God to me! He is so good.
Faith-Oh I am so excited for you!
Shelley-You will come through this! If I did anyone can! He loves you so much too!
Cheri-You are too sweet. I love your sweet, sweet spirit and family! Your heart is so HUGE for Him.
E-Mom-You are a continual blessing to me. More than you will ever know. I do pray God pours out blessing upon blessing to you to show it!
Susan-I am so thankful for our friendship too. I LOVE how God uses our hurts for His bigger purposes and teaches us the deeper things of Him. He is always good even when we do not understand. What a blessing He has given you through it and the comfort you provide countless number of others because of your testimony.
Steph-I love you too girl! I remember that day we met with Bekita, wide eyed and ready to conquer the world for Jesus! I would never have wanted to take that journey in women's ministry with anyone else. You too my friend have blessed me beyond measure!
Kara-Oh girl, You do not even understand how good it was for you to be present on that bus that day. You are the PERFECT traveling partner and I hope God continues to work that out. You helped me see mercy and continue to. I praise God for our friendship and love you so much!
Congratulations!!! What a wonderful milestone and everyone one of those posts is a tribute to our Lord. God bless you, dear one!!
Leah
Congrats on your 200th post! (My 200th post might be a few years from now at the rate I'm going! LOL!) And you didn't hold back, did you. I remember that 100th post and being SO impressed by your faith--I still think about it from time to time. I share that because I want you to know how your honesty in sharing that was a blessing to anyone else who's ever felt the sting of a "mis-answered" (from our perspective) prayer. Also, just look at the ways you can share that story now as God opens more doors for you. It seems like a part of the message He has for you to share, ya know? You're awesome!
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