"Confessions of a Former Mean Girl"
“We’ve come a long way, God” is all I could think as I sat and watched the home video of myself celebrating my fifteenth birthday. I could not believe the horrendous attitude. It was as if I thought that I had arrived and the world revolved around me. Now I am not opposed to birthday party fun or the person with the special day being treated special. But there is a definite line that can be and was crossed for me. I could not believe that such a girl existed. I was so obnoxious, it amazed me that I had friends at that party. And not just one friend that could put up with me but several who all seemed to enjoy my company, adding fuel to my destructive fire.
That girl on the video sure looked like me but who was she? Where in the world did she come from and more importantly who in the world did she think she was? She was beyond obnoxious. A better description is self-centered. The thing that really got me was all the hard work that my mother put into making me a special birthday cake. When the time came to sing and blow out the candles, I wanted no part of it. In fact, I blew out the candles before she was finished singing and walked out of the room. I pierced my mother’s heart. The only thing I cared about was me. I had relationships that benefited me. I did things that benefited me. I was very shallow.
Why do we do that anyway? In my case it was because of pure insecurity. I was desperate for people to like me, is anyone relating to this? I was determined to make myself look the opposite of what I really was.
I had always known that I gave my parents a hard time growing up. I was a wayward child of sorts but I did not realize the extent of it until that defining moment. I was caught on tape, no denying it. It reminded me of what the Bible tells us in Jeremiah 17:9 that, “the heart is deceitful above all things, who can understand it?”
God grabbed a hold of me several years ago when I was finally serious about giving Him full access to cleaning up my heart. We went through a time where He slowly showed me the ugly things that did indeed reside in my heart. Over that period, God slowly removed them one by one as He showed me that true security comes from Him alone. It was a hard process but it was well worth it because in the end came true freedom. I know there are still things that need to be cleaned up but God reminded me of this verse, “So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image” (2 Corinthians 3:18, NLT).
God changes us little by little so we can be changed into his glorious image. Oh, to glow for Him. That is all that I want at this time in my life. In the end, it was nice to see the transformation that had taken place since my fifteenth birthday. God definitely will not allow us to remain the same. He does want us all to reflect His glory.
If a video camera was taping your life, what attitudes and behaviors would it reflect back to you? What steps are you taking to reflect His glory? Is there anything that God needs to work out of you? Why don’t we all ask God to “Search our hearts” as David did? God will reveal anything that needs to be changed in us. If you are a former mean girl like myself or know one, take heart, God will not let that behavior stay forever. He is in the transformation business, for “He makes everything beautiful in its time” (Ecclesiastes ).