The Process

When I was 22, God started pulling me toward Him like never before. A pretty worldly kid, by the grace of God, started work at a wonderful ministry. It was here that I was challenged by God more than ever. It was here that God started to show me what I really was.

I decided at this time to fully surrender myself to God. Although my hearts intent was pure I realized this growing more into the image of God was truly a long process. There was much grace given in this period. Then I prayed that prayer, Lord do whatever it takes for me to be what you want me to be. At this surrender, boy did God really start working hard on me.

Psalm 42:1 (that we founded our Refresh My Soul Ministry on) states, "As a deer pants for streams of water, so my soul thirsts for you, Oh God." This is what God started showing me. My soul started to thirst for God. At times I would be quenched by His living water, at other times I would feel like a dry and cracked ground. Desperately needing a downpour of Him.

It was after I had my first child that God started to really show me my true self without Him. Boy did I mourn over this. Without Him, I was vile and filthy. No pure thing was even in my heart. It is so important to see ourselves this way. God moved HUGE in this time. I call this my sack cloth and ashes period.

When He knew I had all I could He transitioned me into the love period. It was during this time that God showed me how much He really loved me despite myself. He was the one working on me. He was the one who purified me through His son. I was just to continue to surrender. He truly lavished His love on me during this time. It was such a sweet time of fellowship.

Today, as I am about to turn 32, I am in a quiet/reflective period. I am not sure what it is all about except for even deeper reflection. I have a new found interest in the classics. I am enjoying the company of George Mueller, Oswald Chambers, and E.M. Bounds. I just thirst for that pursuit of God. As I read of their lives I see a process they had to come through as well. We are to work out our salvation with fear and trembling. It is a continual moment. A continue work in progress until our last breath. At this moment, God is peeling away layers in this time of quiet and refection. I have grown to enjoy it. I have also learned that as soon as I seem to finally enjoy the period God has me in, He moves me in another one.

I just pray for each one of you today. I so enjoy reflecting on your blogs and words. They inspire me as I lift you up in prayer. I desire to continue to see God moving in each of our lives, growing us up together in Him. Making us all look more like Him as we decrease so He can increase. We are all somewhere in this process so it gives us all something in common. May we continue to spur one another on in Him.