Friday, July 8, 2011

The Struggle with Fear in Health

2 comments
 
Oh how I am in awe of our amazing bodies. How God made them to move and work is astonishing. Yet the complications do make it difficult for man to figure them out. Since the fall disease entered into our world. We have horrible illnesses that exist. Some of which there is no cure. Some things still cannot even be figured out.

This has been so hard for me. For the past 14 years I have struggled with this cycle of good health/bad health. No one can really figure it out (except for the battle with Lyme disease). But I have been drawn and pointed to God in a way that is wonderful through it. I get to know Him better this way. I get to trust in faith this way. I get to share in the mysteries of His suffering in this way. It kills a little more of my flesh and conforms me more into His image. It is definitely a good thing but a very very hard thing.

It is easy to fall into the sin of fear or worry. But I have come to the place that I can rest securely in His hand. I can lament this to Him for He cares for me. I know He holds me and gives me all I need. Whether it pans out to be MS or some other undiscovered condition, all that matters is HIM. It is no mystery to Him. I will not concern myself with things that I cannot understand (like David prayed in Psalm 131). I will trust my good, loving, and gentle Father. He does not allow anything to touch my life that will not in the end make me stronger.

The enemy of our souls wants to use these things to destroy or even kill us. He wants us turned away from God. Do not fall into this trap. It is easy to do. Trust your loving Father who never lets you go, ever.

As I write this, I do fear I am coming out of remission. My body grows weaker and my pain increases. I am almost certain my optic nerve is inflamed again, due to visual issues. Will it go full blown again? Only time can tell. I would appreciate your prayers because this is how we help each other. I want to walk whatever He allows in trust. It is not easy to trust in the unpredictable but I will press through in faith. He is good. He loves me completely and He loves you the same.

2 comments:

Mommy Dot Com said...

I feel His gentleness speaking through you in each sentence. Only He could help you write about such a tough thing w/ such a sweet spirit. Keep on pressing on because He is your Healer and your very great reward.

Mommy Dot Com said...

I feel His gentleness speaking through you in each sentence. Only He could help you write about such a tough thing w/ such a sweet spirit. Keep on pressing on because He is your Healer and your very great reward.

 
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