Hard Confessions

My husband I started Refresh My Soul Ministries because we looked around and saw all the weary saints. We wanted to help and help them come back to refreshment that can only truly come from the Lord. Great concept right? We knew for certain that the Lord laid this heavy burden on our hearts for a reason so we stepped out in faith and started this ministry.

God has brought along some dear life long friends through the Internet. Some really badly hurting people who have been beat up by life and even life in the church. We would offer our encouragement and walk alongside them the best we could. We were on a mountaintop with God. We could easily hear, see, and follow Him. Then it happened....

We ourselves started getting beat up. The world was already harsh enough for us but arrows started coming from every side. The place we thought we were safe was in the sanctuary of the church. However it ended up to be not as safe as we thought. We thought like minded ministry people would support us too and walk alongside us like we did others. This sadly did not happen. We were left hurting and fending for ourselves in the full heat of battle. Lots of wounding came from this. However, God showed us that He was the power in which we served His saints. He would bring healing and restoration in due time. He also showed us that we really didn't know what deep hurt felt like. The ministry we jumped into required more understanding of deep pain. Now we experienced it we could better serve.

God allowed a really hard sifting season. I imagine like what He told Peter happened to us. He said, "Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers" (Luke 22:31-32). Now we are able to better strengthen our brothers and sisters in Christ. We can be thankful for the trial because what Satan wanted to use to kill and destroy us God actually used to bring forth life and power.

God showed me things that were in my heart that were motivated by not putting Him first. Also not to bring Him glory but to bring it to myself. He showed me my lack of mercy and hard heartedness toward my brothers and sisters in Christ.

He also showed me a desire for things to run according to how God prescribed. A burning fire in my bones when they are not run this way. A deep jealousy for His people to come to Him and only give glory to Him. He showed me my soft spots spiritually so I can be better guarded. How to really fend off our enemy. How to be content with all things and circumstances. A more solid footing. I am so thankful for all of this.

He showed me things and how to walk but then life got busy and I started doing life. Quickly my focus shifts again off of Him and back to myself. I do not do this intentionally it just happens. I start doing life and think I can do it on my own. Then life gets hard again. I start struggling big time. I have been trying to get quenched by Him in this race we run by drinking from a water fountain when He has a tall cool glass of water waiting for me. Yet I chose the water fountain. It is faster, I will be okay. It takes too long to drink that glass of water I tell myself and I run. I get worn down and wonder why. Well my body craves water and I deny it of the portion it needs. So today I am back to the glass of water drinking. Oh how good our Father is to us. Hope you are drinking from the glass too.