A Heart Change

God has been working on this unconditional love thing with me for a long while now. I can see layers come off of my calloused heart little by little. I am thankful to Him for that. The process of healing and becoming more like Him can be painful at times but it is worth every bit of it.

God used Malta to mold me more into His image. It is funny that going across the ocean is what was needed. It really wasn't but God appointed this time for me. I always knew I would be prayer walking nations. That is just one thing that God has called me to. It is a privilege to be able to do this work. I love it so much and to me there is no better thing. But God had even more in store.

When I was looking at the idolatry and the severeness of it, I grieved at first. But unexpectedly and all of a sudden like it always appears came a flood of anger. Now, righteous anger is okay for this stuff does grieve the Holy Spirit that lives within me. But how we handle that emotion is key. I started to get angry with the people who were engaging in this behavior as I typically do. As we were walking along and I was talking to God about it all of a sudden my pastor turns and says, " For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" (Ephesians 6:12). (My pastor started a series on prayer when we returned and it is really good-you can get the podcast here.)

We were not talking when he said this. He had no idea what I was thinking and feeling. He doesn't know me well enough to know this continual struggle I have. Those words penetrated my heart in a very new way. Not only was God trying to get my attention but He had those words spoken aloud to me through my pastor. I confessed and started seeing those people through God's eyes.

Next I then started beating myself up like I always resort to it seems. God does not want that either. I know this was all more intense because prayer is a big deal and the enemy does not want us praying. I think that is one reason why there are so many distractions when it comes to prayer. Just my thoughts here.

Another day while we were on the island of Gozo where we knew this idolatry was practiced even more strongly, I met this man named Peter with a place called the Jesus center. He was so humble and again God sent him to speak right into my very heart. Though there were several of us with him he starts telling a story to us about how he used to get angry with these people and then what God showed him. Man, get the pattern. God was removing that layer.

I was also reading the book, "Beach Dreams" that I reviewed below. This book also was speaking to me in these issues of love. God will not let up will He? I would have it no other way. It is time for me to shed this layer. In doing that I had to come face to face with the pain I have been dealing with over relationships that have betrayed me. Hard stuff but I feel much lighter. God is good to never let us stay the same. He is good. I praise Him for another measure of freedom to love better. Perhaps others will see more of Him now instead of so much of me. Oh Lord please let this be.