I'm Wonderfully Made, My Soul Knows That Well -- Or Does it?

For you formed my inward parts;
    you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
    my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
    intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,the days that were formed for me,when as yet there was none of them. ~Psalm 139:13-16

I read an article yesterday that made me cry for a little bit. Researchers from around the globe have found some potential reasons for autism. They studied brains of people with autism and found a common factor. 

The part that made me sad was a theory. The theory states that "if a mother is pregnant and during pregnancy she has a bacteria or virus, it activates something bad in the fetus's immune response, in particular impacting the brain in negative ways causing inflammation." You can read the entire article here. It is very interesting and there are things at the end stating that you can do some things to help reduce inflammation and eliminate toxins.  Some things we've tried off and on.

The reason I was sad was because it felt like it was my fault that my daughter has autism. During pregnancy I did have an active Lyme infection of which I was unaware. The study indications make sense.

Yet, many people get tick bites everyday and it is more rare to get an infection from Lyme bacteria that you cannot fight off than we think. We camped all over the country as a family on a regular basis. All of us had ticks attached from our times in the woods. Yet I was the only one to get sick. Prior to this I also caught mono as a child. All of it goes together weakening an immune system. The immune system that God knit together perfectly and wonderfully while I was in my mother's womb. 

Some people just have the right combination of bad events or biological make up in their life that will cause these horrible lasting effects. I was one of those and it effects everything. Daily life, choices, doctor visits, etc. 

My husband was gracious, he says that our daughter is more like him so it was probably part of his genes. And he is right, they are so similar that it is scary! However, I find no defect with either of them. I just watch all the difficulties my daughter has with life. These difficulties are ones she would never chose to change. I love her for that but it is difficult to watch her struggle none-the-less.

When we start to question why we are made the way we are whether it be a weird quirk, a crooked nose, or predisposition to a certain disease or disability, we must remind ourselves of the truth above. 

We were not only woven together but intricately woven (like embroidery) by a loving Father who is intentional with design. 

We were made fearfully-indicating with reverence or awe 
and wonderfully-meaning marvelous and set apart.

God calls this work marvelous (the making of us) and the Psalmist is recognizing He knows this in the pit of his gut very well.

God even knew the days that were formed for me and you, every one of them! This is the same God who knows every hair on our head. As we age or disease and a hair falls, he knows it! He is attentive in His care.

Knowing that Christ-likeness is the goal, I can trust that though I am limited and my daughter is limited, no matter how it happened, we can trust that God knit us together perfectly, every cell, every minor detail, the exact way that He desired creating an amazing creation of art. Art that only He can perfectly create. Knowing our days and what would best draw us to Him, He made us. He uses every bit of every weakness to keep us close to Him. 

Weakness is where the real power resides you know. It is a holy thing to watch God work and overcome in an area you know you were clearly incapable of. It is beautiful and humbling to see God's power move on your behalf. He sees us as perfect, though the world we live in is fallen, disease resides now, bodies are slowly decaying, brains are breaking down, but it is not something that has caught God off guard. No, He is using every bit of it to make us more like Him. As we look to Him we are transformed more and more into His image. We reflect Him in those ways. Typically it is weakness that drives us to Him. 

So, I grieved, wiped my face (remembering, Our gracious Father doesn't even let our tears go to waste for He collects those too), cried out to Him and resolved to praise Him for fearfully and wonderfully making me exactly the way I am and exactly as He made my daughter. It is good because He is good. 

One day we will live without the boundaries of diseased bodies, I am looking forward to that day! And the beauty of disease is it keeps me focused there, longing, hoping, praying for Christ's return. So, don't let your limitations hold you back, look to Christ. Cry out to Him. It is in this weakness that His power shines most brightly through.

Some Thoughts on Sharing 25 Years with My Love

Once upon a time in a faraway land, two crazy young kids who were temperamentally similar to the sensitive and emotional Anne Shirley and no non-sense unemotional Mr. Spock met. They were blinded by “love” and quickly got married, but when two people so different join together in oneness, in order to keep that oneness, lots of dying has to take place.
            Due to this strange union that I found myself in, I was confused, challenged, and angry. Often times, by God’s grace, we find ourselves around people who God uses to sanctify us as light sand paper but this union was like a sand blaster. It wasn’t gradual and it wasn’t gentle.

Then I read this piercing passage of Scripture and found myself conflicted: “What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask” James 4:1-2.

“Wait, what? But it is him, he is the problem. If he would just act the way I need him to act then we would be fine. Our marriage has problems because he does this or doesn’t do that.” I had reasoned that I was not asking for too much. How could this quarrelsome heart be about me when he failed to meet my needs? After all a husband is to love his wife like Christ loves the church right (Ephesians 5)? Yet the Scripture stood for itself. What causes fights in our relationship is within me. That was not fun to hear or receive as truth but it drove me to my knees.

God, in His graciousness, started opening my eyes, you see, my marriage has not always been the easiest, yet whose has? When you throw two sinners with different upbringings and backgrounds together there are bound to be some problems, but mine had a little more difficulty to it because we have a problem of properly communicating. Not just your typical communication problems that others have but one brought on by neurological disability. And as God gave me more grace freely in areas, in our marriage, I withheld grace from this man God gave me. I did not take the neurological issues into account. I was expecting things that were not physically possible for him to give me.

You see, he didn’t think like me or act like me or even learn like me, we were completely different. It was like living in a foreign land not knowing how to speak the language. I was lost. I was so frustrated with him most of the time. My eyes were on our problems and not our Savior. Our marriage was not working until we both learned to die to ourselves. And by God’s goodness we were able to slowly die little by little allowing grace for the vast differences in our marriage and relationship. Communication continued to be hard; it still is to this day.

When our relationship improved and we started reflecting Christ and the church better, God granted us with children. This journey was incredibly hard for us because we ended up having a child with autism. It was not obvious autism but a mild, high functioning type of autism that is not apparent to others looking in yet in the home it is very evident and life altering. Many marriages find it hard to survive this kind of pressure. They lose the ability to support one another when they enter the world of special needs parenting but this was the biggest grace gift God has given to our marriage.

As I watched my child struggle socially over time my heart overflowed with compassion. I watched people reject her while she did not even know it. I watched her think people were friends while they manipulated. I watched this sweet innocent girl struggle socially and as she grew I watched her struggle with anxiety and communication skills. I helped walk her through obsessions though I could not fix them. I was broken over her strange world that she was forced to live in, there was nothing natural about it for her because she does not pick up social cues like most of us learn as we go. She doesn’t understand sarcasm or common sayings. She is very concrete in her thinking while her peers excel in abstract thought. We easily take for granted some common sense granted to us that has not been given to her. Since nothing is apparent about her disability it surprises many people because they don’t understand the secret world of this invisible illness.

God started opening my eyes toward my husband during this time. I started noticing that some of the things my daughter did or ways she behaved, I also observed in my husband. Yet when you grow up with spectrum issues and no one to help you with them you just learn to cope. Those patterns follow you into adulthood. As I watched my husband, I realized that some of the areas that I extended her grace in, I held my husband under judgment. Oh how my heart broke. As I watch my daughter navigate this difficult road, I now am filled with more compassion for my husband. He is not the same as her but he is on the spectrum with her. And with this new knowledge I am learning to give grace. I am learning to communicate in the proper way and not take things too personally. I have a lot to learn and it is great practice to freely give grace. God gives more grace (James 4:6) and I am learning to do the same as He makes me more Christ like when I have to opportunity to die to self. God does this for my husband as well when I unravel into an emotional whirlwind that makes him extremely uncomfortable. 

You see, our marriage works, despite the vast differences, because we both know that our eyes need to be focused on Christ and as we both individually behold him He transforms us from one degree of glory to another (2 Corinthians 3:18). We also learn the art of dying to self and how to be great forgivers who freely lavish on mercy and love. It is a process that is not by any means perfected or natural but it is what God had in store for us both so that our differences sanctify one another for the better and when we stand before God we will be able to say we are more like Christ for it.

Because our relationship is sometimes like observing Mr. Spock and Anne of Green Gables it can be quite comical but when all is said and done, we learn to love better, forgive fuller, pray harder and to pour forth mercy. We are better off for it because we both died a little more and both look a little more like our Savior. If it wasn’t for our daughter with autism, I do not believe I would have ever realized how to love well in our marriage. And I do yearn for the day we will be together in Heaven with no neurological deficiencies so we can communicate without the problem of sin getting in the way. What a glorious day that will be! But until then we press ahead for the prize that Christ (Philippians 3:13-14) has called us to with our eyes fixed on Him (Hebrews 12:2). We praise Him for His good gifts whatever kind of package they come in. All things are gifts of grace from the Father above and we are grateful.  

This year those crazy kids mentioned above give thanks for 20 years of marriage and we stand in awe of His great grace as we achieve this milestone that we know makes God smile because He is the God who sees and He knows the real struggle. It pleases Him when we chose the Christ path of dying to self. Marriage is a great tool to learn and practice that art. So those two crazy kids who got married too young with too many differences are going to make it, not because they are great but because God is great and He is at the center of their marriage. They are very different now than they were then but they would not trade the adventure for anything because it is HIS story. And the Author is good. The happily ever after is soon coming and what a day that will be for their testimony is about His great power that shines through their great weakness. May HIS name be praised!

Some Words on Autism from My Autistic Child and Her Sister

Above is my family. We look "normal" on the outside but honestly our home is anything but "normal." It is complicated living with special needs which we all have at varying forms but God is the one who helps us to love better experiencing the difficulties we experience together.

Since today is world autism day, I asked my two daughters to write something about autism.

From the oldest:

"Having a sister with autism is a bit tough sometimes. By "tough" I pretty much mean she's tough to understand. Sometimes she will whine about something that i don't quite know why she cares so much about it. Sometimes it is hard to know if she loves or cares about me. She usually needs a lot of attention from her big sister. :)

And even though you don't quite know what's going on in her head, and even though she doesn't show it, she gets sad too. When she is sad she usually does not show it, she likes too remain happy, all the time, everyday. The times she does show it, I imagine her as a shy five year old little girl with her big brown, puppy eyes. :)

I get angry with her a lot. Mostly because I don't "understand." Even though I don't understand her most of the time, I love her so much, with all of my heart."

From the youngest:

Being autistic is sometimes hard, uneasy, confusing, and odd. And some of us act different, walk different, talk different, and look different. Now I’ll walk you through these things step by step. Today we will talk about how we are made perfect in God’s eyes.

Now, have you ever looked in the mirror and thought to yourself “I am not beautiful.” If you have, that’s a LIE. A lie sent to you by the Enemy. Scripture says, I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. This means we are Beautiful, In HIS eyes. And God did not make a mistake when he made you, he made you with love and respect. He cares for us even when we are feeling odd and ugly. We are all made with love even non autistic people. LOVED. Loved by HIM. CARED. Cared by HIM. BEAUTIFUL. You are not ugly, odd, or weird, you are BEAUTIFUL. You are perfectly made, even when people say “You’re ugly”. You should not believe that you are ugly, weird, or stupid. You are God’s Child. And God is the best parent you can get. 

Being different does not always seem easy, some people don’t want to be around different people. Some of us Talk different, Walk different, Act different, all of the above. But it does not mean we do not fit in, we are just…… Special, Awesome, And God made us different for a reason. A great reason. This is to help people that are different understand being autistic. And one reason I know a lot about being different, is because I have autism. 

 

See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him.  

                       1 John 3:1

Happy Autism DAY!!!!!!!!!!

Posting at Comfort in the Midst of Chaos Today

I love this ministry that encourages families that have children with special needs. You must check them out if you have not already. You can find them here.

I am posting about a heavy heart laced with weighty grace. Here is a preview:

“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.

    I have called you by name; you are mine.

2 

When you go through deep waters,

    I will be with you.

When you go through rivers of difficulty,

    you will not drown.

When you walk through the fire of oppression,

    you will not be burned up;

    the flames will not consume you.

3 

For I am the Lord, your God,

    the Holy One of Israel, your Savior" (Isaiah 43b-43:3a, NLT).

My life often feels like a puzzle with a missing piece. Things appear to be fitting in place like the beautiful box picture but then something happens and a piece is missing again. Smooth sailing takes a back seat for another day. It is disturbing. It is a heaviness my heart feels like it cannot take. READ MORE.

Hi My Name is Angela and I Have a Child with Autism but GRACE

My friend who also has a child with special needs asked me if I was going to sign my child up for dream night which is a special event for families of kids with special needs. I knew about this event and saw it listed earlier but conveniently forgot about it. When it was brought back up to the surface again I was confronted with my heart.

Several times a year I see these events for special needs kids. I think they are great yet I try to forget I have a kid with special needs. There is a problem in my heart with pride. Because outwardly she looks "normal" it is easy to forget she does have special needs until a tantrum occurs or I see her try to spread peanut butter on bread or I see her in social situations or remember we can never again watch a family movie together until some anxieties clear up.  I quietly mourn these things by myself. Maybe I don't want to accept it? Maybe I am faced with my own weakness and I want to be strong here? Maybe I think people just don't care about my grief? I am not sure.

You see I am more than happy to serve special needs kids or support special needs kids but when the grace of service comes to me personally I find it difficult to receive. I find it difficult to accept this gift of service and love toward our family because of our special needs. Families like ours desperately need this gift of grace. We need to know we are loved and not alone. We need to know there are others out there who want to help and love on us. I just need to accept it. I need to receive it.

It is not unlike God's free gift of grace to us. It is too good to be true but it is TRUE! We must simply believe it is ours and receive it by faith. It is so simple yet so profound! God will never turn away one who believes this. And not only is this good news my answer for a secure eternity, it is my answer for here and now as well. When my pride gets in the way of receiving help I run to Him knowing He took my pride on the cross. I confess this to Him and then ask for Him to help me with my unbelief. I remember because of what He has done I am free to be weak. I am free to receive help. I am free to be a family with special needs. I am free to admit my weakness. I am free to admit the ugly thoughts of my heart. Christ took those on the cross on my behalf. He then gave me the identity of all He ever did. That is how I am viewed in God's eyes. It does not matter what anyone else sees not even how I view myself. I am wholly loved. I am wholly accepted. I am free. Period.

This free gift is available to all who believe it. What a Savior!

Where Autism meets Adoption

Warning...I am sure most will not care much about this post, it is strictly a journal entry for me or anyone who really cares about our journey. I am writing for me and memories to refer back to along the way.

 Today I knew we would have a full day that would push terribly the sensory buttons for my autistic daughter. I prepared us for it and we prayed, spoke God's word, did fun activities we packed, and ate food including sugar! It was a day to pull out all the stops if we were going to accomplish all we needed to for the final drive of this adoption home study.

We had many stops and because it was an entire day that was taken up we made it into one big field trip. We learned much about civil service and the government. Then we learned about enterprise and other service industries as well. Also how it is important that the government does not run all things like churches. We got to visit and meet many people in service to the government along the way. It was highly educational.

We kept in mind that everything we did today was for the love of Kota and our adoption of him. First he had his well check visit. All went well and it is so good to see how well he has progressed from a year ago. It was like he improved almost completely. He is still small for his age but not anything to be concerned about. His immunizations are pretty much caught up. He went from being the equivalent of an 18 month old to a now four year old in a year. Great progress!

Next we had to go to the health department. We had to have birth certificates printed, then a TB screening. Dakota was quite wild and did not want to settle down while I filled out forms but the great discerning clerk put the tv on to a Nick jr show and immediately he calmed down. Funny how tv does that. But my autistic girl said, so is the tb screening where we sit and watch the tv screen? LOVE HER! She was convinced that was it since it is what we did. However after our wait we answered some questions and were out.

Then next part was quite embarrassing and humbling. We had to go into the STD clinic for my HIV test. It was filled with colorful people of interesting character. I was so hoping nothing awkward came up and praying the kids were shielded from that stuff. God kept them shielded and I was thankful! We waited in there so long it seemed so I pulled out the Arabic alphabet and started teaching it. We also quoted our Psalm verses we are memorizing. The people in this office were not as discerning toward the need to help shield these children from the stuff in the clinic.

After this was completed we then took a stop at the police center. We got to speak to an employee who would help us with this part of the process. This building was the cleanest and most helpful. It took the least amount of time as well. I was thankful.

After this we made a quick stop at the post office, why not it was government facility day. Then off to the grocery store for a few needed items. By this time and about five hours into our adventure my autistic was beat. I however did not want to leave her in the van because of the crazy bang on your window weirdo guy who was once in that parking lot. We all then went in. Now the scene is kind of sad actually. I have little man in the front cart seat. I have my nine year old autistic girl in the big part of the cart. The entire time she sucks her thumb and lays on a pillow. While she is doing this we are fitting necessary groceries in around her.

Some greedy attitudes occur with the oldest while the youngest tries to pester the middle child. Oh Lord come quickly! I am so glad I filled up with LOTS of the Word this morning before we went in. AND prayed a powerful prayer to help us stay focused on Christ while we were in the store. Yet despite it all the little man got angry with the middle child and started pounding on her. This was of course while I was lecturing the oldest on being thankful and content with what you have. I intervene and stop it then lecture on kindness, how we never hit, and how they are to serve and protect one another.

We finally make it home unload groceries and get settled. I told my autistic child I am so proud of her how she exhibited so much self control and patience though I knew it was impossible for her without the help of the Holy Spirit. She hugs me and says, I wold do anything to make Dakota my official brother.

These words. THESE WORDS, are why we do this! This little girl who suffered greatly today in ways I cannot even understand, this girl still voices her love and sacrifice for the sake of adoption. This is wisdom and maturity beyond her years. Only the Lord can truly know what a sacrifice she has made today for the sake of adoption for He made her body and knows how each part of her is made. He knows the continual sacrifice she makes living in this world that was not made for her kind. I know His reward for her is great. Greater because she perseveres even though it is nearly impossible. She is learning to trust and depend on God.

Jesus knew the cost of reaching down to save us out of the pit of abandonment and filth. He sacrificed completely all for the sake of adoption. I was reminded of this today. I am thankful for my autistic girl. For she was my reminder of the power of Christ and His sacrifice for us all who would believe.

Continual Grief with Glimpses of Joy in Autism

I was at a conference listening to Nancy Guthrie speak, she is well known for her work on Grief Share. She was speaking about points of processing through grief. Grief Share is really help for the grieving process in the death of a loved one. However, I knew since I lived in a state of continual grief it would be helpful. And it was.

However, there is something permanent about death. It is something that changes you forever but it is a once and for all event. The sadness may linger but eventually people can learn to move forward. It is final. My problem is experiencing little deaths almost daily because of the disability of my daughter.

On the outside she looks perfect. You could not observe with the eye any obvious disability which makes this type of grieving a little harder because it is more lonely and isolated. Because of this I often find myself forgetting she has this brokenness. Then something happens and I remember. My heart aches and I long for our new home in Heaven and the fully abled resurrected bodies that will come with that. Come Lord Jesus.

My friend asked Mrs. Guthrie if they had any materials that addressed my issue of living a continual state of grief. I really do not think you can change this state. Every new action that shows the apparent brokenness strikes my heart with pain. And sadly there were no resources to address this kind of grief.

However, I have just started reading a book called Disability and the Gospel which so far has been insightful and helpful knowing I am not alone in this. Also, I am so thankful to God for giving us glimpses of joy. With the areas of challenge come areas of strength.

Today I got to experience the joy of seeing this. My daughter rejoiced in having autism. She said she was so glad because it was so cool. TODAY. But tomorrow new challenges will present itself. I will take today. I will take the little joys of the amazing abilities that she does have because of this. I will look at the good that will come and the joy of being constantly reminded of weakness and our need for the Savior.

I don't know if you are in this place or not of grieving quietly and continually. It is almost too much for a heart to take. Yet one day all things will be restored. Brokenness made whole. Grieving turned to joy. And until then we hold tight to God's promises in Christ. We will trust His perfect plan in allowing this life for her because He knows her best, He loves her most. That is how you walk with continual grief. You hope in the Risen Savior who loves you and is familiar with grief. Our hope is in HIM alone.

Making Peace with Autism/Aspergers

When you find out the news that you are pregnant, automatically you start dreaming dreams of what your child will be like. You imagine so many good things. Then when he or she arrives you get to hold them and dream some more. So many hopes for their future spin around in your head. There too however are worries that may come up. You may wonder if your child is "normal?" Are they developing at the same pace as their friends? Are they learning things like they should? Are they able to share?

If you are a parent like me you notice things. I started to notice things were not "normal" early on. I even remember praying, "God please do not let my child have autism." I see this as grace. God was preparing my heart early on. If His answer was no to this prayer it must be for good reasons. Reasons I can trust though I cannot fully understand. He is still God in control of all things and He is still good.

As the years progressed more and more evidence started to show up. However it was a bit tricky. Aspergers in girls looks much different than in boys. And no two kids with this are the same. It is not a text book diagnosis. It takes time in observation to recognize and pinpoint.

Today is the official day we can say yes our daughter has asperger's syndrome. Wow, typing it is even hard. It is something we have been suspecting and talking about but because of her age there was still a small hope that perhaps she would grow out of it. The thought was perhaps it is just developmental delay of some sort. But she is eight and is not growing out of things that she should while not growing into things that most her age do.

Asperger's is a journey that can be exhausting at times. You have to imagine moving yourself into a foreign planet. The entire culture does not make sense to you. Things are often too loud or bright. Things smell or taste funny. People's facial expressions do not make sense to you. You cannot understand their body language it seems more like a secret code. Sometimes the people say things that make no sense what so ever. It can be a tough world to navigate and you are just a kid. This is what it is like to live with aspergers.

Fortunately these skills can be taught but it takes a lot of time, effort and practice. Social skills are just something that are hard for those with aspergers. However, my daughter is a great mimicker. She can wear a mask for short periods of time that mask these issues. It is a coping skill, pretending as she watches and learns. So as you see her you will probably not even realize how difficult social situations are for her. I learn new things about this everyday. She has an amazing ability to express her difficulties to me. I am thankful for that.

We trust through it all God is in control. In this we find comfort and peace. It is His gospel of grace that keeps us on course and where we place our hope. One day we will be in Heaven where autism and other conditions will no longer exist. We will trust while here these challenges will grow us and make us more like Him. We are in desperate need for Him.

"Let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up".~ Hebrews 12:1b-3

Autism, A Tool to AId in Dying Daily

I have hesitated to write about this but maybe it will be an encouragement to someone out there. You cannot even begin to imagine how difficult it is for us to adjust to the realities of aspergers disorder as a family. When your child has special needs it changes the family in a huge way. Everyone must pitch in to help and die continually to self.

Now this is a good thing generally because God says to us;

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. ~Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me."~Luke 9:23

We have been given the gift of experiencing teamwork and dying daily through autism. Yet as we adjust to this we must combat anger. Anger when the flesh resists dying or resists working together. It is in the pressure cooker of life that we are purified. I am thankful for this yet it does not make it easier. However if you asked me if I could change it I would have to tell you no. I love my daughter the way she is, I trust God to help me know how to best raise and equip her the way she needs. I trust Him the One who knit her together in my womb and His unique purpose for her.

 

Small Victories, Social Skills, and Autism

With our autism experience we have found that our daughter has many food aversions and requirements. She is such a small girl so we just want her to eat. I don't mind this issue much. We dochallenge her to try new things even just a bite and get happy and celebrate when she does. 

Today some lessons were learned. As we were starting our school day my youngest kept saying she wanted toast. When she envisions toast it has to be toasted, no crust, peanut butter and grape jelly spread just right. As I was reading our Bible lesson my oldest was preparing toast for herself. She thought it would be a nice thing to serve her sister.

She brought out a piece of toast to my youngest but it still had the crust on it. It was slathered with butter that was still visible and clumpy jelly. I knew this was going to be an issue. I watched the situation play out. My youngest just looked and slowly took the plate. She said thank you. She paused and then approached me and whispered her dislike of it wondering what to do about it. I am so proud of her practicing her social skills. I know our social skills training is working!! Before she would have said something like, "Yuck I can't eat this." She said, "Thank You." That is a HUGE step.

I told her it is okay to accept a gift graciously and not eat it. Then I was worried about my oldest who is highly sensitive. I was afraid she would have her feelings hurt and be hardened in serving her sister again. But as I whispered prayer to God and watched her countenance it was joyful and peaceful. She was okay. She understood she can serve in joy because God calls us to serve for Him alone, not based on the response our service brings. What a thrill! Thank you Father for using these things to teach us these lessons. Oh to be more and more like You. That is the goal. Love this little victory. I want to remember this. So I write it down as a memorial stone.