Mothering with Disability - A God Centered View

First forgive me because this blog looks like all I do is book reviews. I have a bad habit of taking on lots of books at one time then of course reviews have to post...However mainly I want this to be a place of encouragement in Christ. I want it to be a salve to a wounded heart or soul. I want it to encourage you to look to Christ. Keep your gaze upon His beauty regardless of what is warring on around you. I hope it accomplishes that. For Christ is truly all we need. He is the end of all things. It is all for Him and His glory. Keep that focus friend and remind me of it as well! I need that reminder.

My confession to you is that often I find myself slipping into a mopey-oh-I-feel-so-sorry-for-myself place. This is not good people! It is not a safe place to be at all. However, God opened my eyes to something magnificent that I want to share with you, especially anyone raising a child with a disability or if you yourself have a disability.

This "disability" whatever it is, though so hard and bad in some instances has a greater purpose or good. Let me tell you what I mean by this. If my world was easy and my children were very obedient and my body held lots of energy to maintain a squeaky clean house, have dinner ready, (I mean a perfect candle lite one) every night as my husband came in the door, then I had enough energy to have amazing family time where we sang together and had wonderfully intelligent times of discussion together. Then the children went to bed perfectly on time leaving my husband and I lots of great time to bond. Oh what a world that would be right?!

In that alternate world I would be so tempted to be the center of my universe. It would be me who raised these perfect children and me who took care of my husband. It would be me who had this energy to maintain the perfect home. Quite honestly I would have little need for God. I have accomplished much on my own and therefore become the reality of my worship. I am an idol.

Our home is quite the opposite of this. Life is not an easy to solve thirty minute sitcom. Life has many challenges. Life can be very hard especially if you live with disability amongst you all the time. The last time I was having a little poor me pity party this is what God impressed on my soul.

Consider yourself blessed because the temptation to idolize the good things that He surrounds me with is minimal. It is a great way for Him to keep me humbled for it is in weakness that His strength shines through.

Wow! Now instead of looking at these various hardships as bad things (though they are bad) I can now look at them as gifts that keep me focused, dependent, and hanging on His strength. He is the only thing that gets us through. I know that full well so my temptation to take credit is minimal. He is so good to give us even this gift. 

What is your biggest struggle in motherhood? Have you ever thought about looking at it this way, as an opportunity for dependence instead of an inconvenience? No matter where you are in life there is a struggle even if you do not have a certain disability in your life. The key is getting the focus off yourself and the present problem and instead focusing on Jesus the Author and Perfecter of our faith. Focus on His beauty and love for you then know He will get you through as you cling tight to Him. Trust Him.

Lessons Learned from the Fire

Simplify.
One of the main things I have learned in this time away from our home is that I have way too many things. I have all I need here at this hotel room and I am not missing anything at our home. What does this mean for us? A major purge is coming! I will probably try to have a garage sale just to try to make a little money to help with our expenses through this ordeal and trial but the rest I am giving away. I cannot believe it took a fire to help me see that. I think I was just in denial really because I do complain often about messes. I see the overflow of toys and things coming into areas they should not be located. Now I am certain we just don't need all that stuff. Simplify is what is happening at the Parsley home. The girls have been talked to so I hope this transitional period will not be terribly painful for them. They have come to realize all they need they have here too.

Priorities.
Honestly I knew this already but helping my family in continually pointing them to the cross is what matters. This tight space and trial is exposing yuck in all of our hearts. It is most important we encourage one another to look to HIM who can change us. He is showing us the sin that needs to be released and let go. He is our all and main priority.

Commitment.
In life God entrusts each of us with certain trials. They are what help us become more and more like Him. They are what is given us as an honor quite honestly because we get to share in the sufferings of Christ. God does major work in these times. In this I can see that I have a renewed passion to help Hannah in her areas of struggle with Autism. Thankfully she is very high functioning to the point that unless you have a trained eye and discerning heart you will most likely miss it. However, in these trials I see her difficulties more clearly and have a renewed passion to help her through them. It is God's grace to let us go through these times of unpredictability now when she is under our care to help her learn how to handle it in a healthy way. It is hard but we are a team and work to help her.

Also, I see the work that is needed with little man. He has certain delays and issues that have become more exposed while being here but I also have a renewed passion to help him become the best young man he can become. God helps my heart see and discern. I am thankful for that.

I also have been able to see just how responsible my oldest is. How she has taken charge in a good way and been so helpful. I am really glad for her maturity in Christ and how she desires to be all God wants her to be.

My husband too I see where I am failing as a wife to him and want to be more of what he needs. Praying I will not be as worn out dealing with all these needs so I have time for him as well.  He cannot be last priority on my list.

Friends.
There are true and amazing people that God puts in your life to encourage, pray, and love on you. I am so thankful for all of them. So thankful that I would have a house to stay at or two or three if we did not have insurance. Meals provided if we did not have insurance. So many things that friends do because they care for you. I am so thankful for that and it is in trials you see this more clearly.

The World of Autism and Us

Many mornings in our home start off with a need for intervention. Some sort of spat ends up breaking out. I am now seeing why. Here is an example of a typical morning.

The scene is both girls playing together quite well. Then my aspie girl says something rude. That comment hurts my overly sensitive child. She wails and comes to me over it. My aspie girl is emotionally flat about it which makes my overly sensitive child even more upset.

I intervene and ask, "Sweet baby why did you say that to your sister?" "Do you understand that it is mean?"

Her reply, "She just kept talking and I wanted her to stop so I said it so she would stop talking, yes I know it is mean."

I say, "Well honey when something is bothering you you need to tell her. Ask her nicely to stop because it was hurting you."

Her reply, "Oh, okay I can do that." Her reaction was like, wow, I can do that?

I say, "Okay now it is appropriate for you to apologize to your sister and we can explain together what was happening to you."

So there you go. My very black and white child who likes things in perfect order and my very gray child together trying to work life out. I say we have lots of opportunity for sanctification. And I am excited because a friend of mine let me borrow a book called, Autism through a Sister's Eyes, it is a book for my nine year old that was written based on a nine year old girls journey with her own sibling who has aspergers. I hope it helps her see things in the more gray area and will learn to not be so hurt by it.

Tales of Parenting My ADHD Child

Fathers are told not to exasperate their children. However, at times I feel like my children are the ones who exasperate me! But then I am quickly reminded that foolishness abounds in the heart of a child. It is something that is just there. It is something that needs training and instruction. Add that with a sinful nature and then a sprinkle of ADHD and you have lots of problems. Now in my instance I can also add a shake of OCD and a pinch of impulse control issues. What a delightfully difficult mixture to work with!

God does know what He is doing. He created this child. He made her fearfully and wonderfully. She is absolutely perfect in His eyes and was entrusted to a very selfish mother. I easily exasperate because I expect what I want done to be done immediately and without question. This may work for the “normal” child but it does not work so well for my little bundle of joy. I am learning how to correct her the way that makes real change—change of the heart.

On Sunday at our church children who are five and up sit with their parents in the main church service. To an ADHD child’s mind this can be torture. My selfishness is continually exposed because I don’t want to look bad as my child struggles. I continually have to confess this and ask for God’s grace. When I focus on Him and what He desires for this child I come back to training her in the way that works for her. It does not matter what that may look like to others around me.

Tips and tools I use as I struggle through are:

• An occasional snack
• Listening games
• Discussing themes that I know she understands about the sermonGiving her her fidget noiseless toy to hold and quietly play with
• Remind her the purpose for church (to corporately worship God)
• Praise her for her efforts of listening and sitting still
• Removing her to an environment outside where we can listen with less pressure to sit still
• Pay attention to my child’s cues (I know when she is struggling more or less by observation)

Those are just a few things. I know she desires to grow in this area so we work it out together. I am thankful for her and what she teaches me in this process. So instead of being exasperated I am thankful as long as I focus on the important things. We are both learning and are better off for it.