When God Says No to a Mother's Heart Cry

I am guest posting over at Comfort in the Midst of Chaos Special Needs blog today. Here is a portion:

"Yet even when you do pray, your prayers are not answered, because you pray just for selfish reasons" (James 4:3, CEV).

"Please, God, Please don't let my daughter have autism," I cried out as the reality of it pierced my heart. It was a prayer I spoke silently in my heart several years prior. There were moments when I knew something was different. Those moments when all the toys had to be in a line perfectly or enduring fits thrown that seemed out of proportion because I had no idea what went wrong. These little but distinct things were things I secretly held in my heart and I cried out to God.
READ MORE.

Posting at Comfort in the Midst of Chaos Today

I love this ministry that encourages families that have children with special needs. You must check them out if you have not already. You can find them here.

I am posting about a heavy heart laced with weighty grace. Here is a preview:

“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.

    I have called you by name; you are mine.

2 

When you go through deep waters,

    I will be with you.

When you go through rivers of difficulty,

    you will not drown.

When you walk through the fire of oppression,

    you will not be burned up;

    the flames will not consume you.

3 

For I am the Lord, your God,

    the Holy One of Israel, your Savior" (Isaiah 43b-43:3a, NLT).

My life often feels like a puzzle with a missing piece. Things appear to be fitting in place like the beautiful box picture but then something happens and a piece is missing again. Smooth sailing takes a back seat for another day. It is disturbing. It is a heaviness my heart feels like it cannot take. READ MORE.

Guest Posting at Comfort in the Midst of Chaos Today. Check it out.

I am excited to be guest posting at Comfort in the Midst of Chaos today and monthly. This is an encouraging Christian blog that takes a look at living with special needs.

The Slumber Party Dilemma
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
~2 Corinthians 4:16-18, NIV

I heard a rumor of an upcoming party from my daughter. I said to her that if the parent called me about this party I would consider it. Often I hear about parties but the official invitation never comes. I just considered this to be the same kind of situation.

However, this ended up to be a real party that she was invited to. Not only was it a party but it branched further into a slumber party. For any "normal" family this is probably not a big deal, however, I have a daughter with many anxiety and social issues. Now I am in a dilemma. Read the rest here.

God Did Not Make Us All To Fit The Same Mold - Aspergers in Church

Joy fills my heart as I sing gratitude for my King beside my daughter. My mind is overjoyed at the goodness of God and all He has done. I am thankful that my family feels the same. I glance over and smile at my daughter and then I see my husband all together praising our Savior.

Yet someone is missing. I look down. I see her. Expressionless. Sitting quietly occupying herself with the ipad. It would seem to the outsider that this child is just not interested in the things of God. Or perhaps that her parents are not responsible because they don't make her stand up and sing along with everyone else.

My heart sinks. It starts again, that dialogue I have often with God over this. Why does it make me sad that she doesn't fit the mold of everyone else? I don't know. I love sitting in the back row so no one can see this struggle. Otherwise I start feeling like I might be judged. I know many parents who would never think of letting their kid just sit there like that playing on a device and I respect that. Daughter number one is not allowed to do this, but, daughter number two is different. She is not neurotypical. Many factors on any given day in a group setting cause her to turn more inward. I cannot predict them.

What I do know is my sweet child absolutely loves the Lord. She unashamedly praises Him alone in the house or in the car. She loves learning about her Savior and His word and wants to live it out. She has a huge heart and desires to please her parents and God. However there is something about the group dynamic that is difficult for her to do the same.

I as a mom to a special needs child must remember that it doesn't matter what anyone else may think. I have to talk myself also out of condemning thoughts over this. I must do what is best for my child. I am glad she gets to sit in service, which is a huge deal for her. Even though she keeps occupied with the ipad, she surprises me by repeating things that were meaningful to her through the sermon. I know she hears and listens but I need to be okay with her way. The way God made her. The way He made her different than the majority. Her difference is special and unique and I want to embrace it.

I think this may be one of the reasons many special needs families find church difficult. Sensory overload is something that will cause an unexpected and immediate break down or tantrum. Neurotypical people cannot always predict how or when sensory overload will happen. Neurotypical people cannot understand this overload and response either. I am just thankful my girl has learned how to cope in church using the ipad. I think it helps her avoid this overload that she is very sensitive to.

If you see a child in church playing on a device, don't judge. There is probably more going on than you think. Don't think that child is not hearing the message or not interested in the things of God either. Again, you cannot know what is going on in anothers mind. Don't give the parents a hard time when they allow their child to play on a device like this through service. Again, you have no idea what is going on in their family. Love them. Get to know them. Find out what would best help their special needs child.

Mothering with Disability - A God Centered View

First forgive me because this blog looks like all I do is book reviews. I have a bad habit of taking on lots of books at one time then of course reviews have to post...However mainly I want this to be a place of encouragement in Christ. I want it to be a salve to a wounded heart or soul. I want it to encourage you to look to Christ. Keep your gaze upon His beauty regardless of what is warring on around you. I hope it accomplishes that. For Christ is truly all we need. He is the end of all things. It is all for Him and His glory. Keep that focus friend and remind me of it as well! I need that reminder.

My confession to you is that often I find myself slipping into a mopey-oh-I-feel-so-sorry-for-myself place. This is not good people! It is not a safe place to be at all. However, God opened my eyes to something magnificent that I want to share with you, especially anyone raising a child with a disability or if you yourself have a disability.

This "disability" whatever it is, though so hard and bad in some instances has a greater purpose or good. Let me tell you what I mean by this. If my world was easy and my children were very obedient and my body held lots of energy to maintain a squeaky clean house, have dinner ready, (I mean a perfect candle lite one) every night as my husband came in the door, then I had enough energy to have amazing family time where we sang together and had wonderfully intelligent times of discussion together. Then the children went to bed perfectly on time leaving my husband and I lots of great time to bond. Oh what a world that would be right?!

In that alternate world I would be so tempted to be the center of my universe. It would be me who raised these perfect children and me who took care of my husband. It would be me who had this energy to maintain the perfect home. Quite honestly I would have little need for God. I have accomplished much on my own and therefore become the reality of my worship. I am an idol.

Our home is quite the opposite of this. Life is not an easy to solve thirty minute sitcom. Life has many challenges. Life can be very hard especially if you live with disability amongst you all the time. The last time I was having a little poor me pity party this is what God impressed on my soul.

Consider yourself blessed because the temptation to idolize the good things that He surrounds me with is minimal. It is a great way for Him to keep me humbled for it is in weakness that His strength shines through.

Wow! Now instead of looking at these various hardships as bad things (though they are bad) I can now look at them as gifts that keep me focused, dependent, and hanging on His strength. He is the only thing that gets us through. I know that full well so my temptation to take credit is minimal. He is so good to give us even this gift. 

What is your biggest struggle in motherhood? Have you ever thought about looking at it this way, as an opportunity for dependence instead of an inconvenience? No matter where you are in life there is a struggle even if you do not have a certain disability in your life. The key is getting the focus off yourself and the present problem and instead focusing on Jesus the Author and Perfecter of our faith. Focus on His beauty and love for you then know He will get you through as you cling tight to Him. Trust Him.

Where Autism meets Adoption

Warning...I am sure most will not care much about this post, it is strictly a journal entry for me or anyone who really cares about our journey. I am writing for me and memories to refer back to along the way.

 Today I knew we would have a full day that would push terribly the sensory buttons for my autistic daughter. I prepared us for it and we prayed, spoke God's word, did fun activities we packed, and ate food including sugar! It was a day to pull out all the stops if we were going to accomplish all we needed to for the final drive of this adoption home study.

We had many stops and because it was an entire day that was taken up we made it into one big field trip. We learned much about civil service and the government. Then we learned about enterprise and other service industries as well. Also how it is important that the government does not run all things like churches. We got to visit and meet many people in service to the government along the way. It was highly educational.

We kept in mind that everything we did today was for the love of Kota and our adoption of him. First he had his well check visit. All went well and it is so good to see how well he has progressed from a year ago. It was like he improved almost completely. He is still small for his age but not anything to be concerned about. His immunizations are pretty much caught up. He went from being the equivalent of an 18 month old to a now four year old in a year. Great progress!

Next we had to go to the health department. We had to have birth certificates printed, then a TB screening. Dakota was quite wild and did not want to settle down while I filled out forms but the great discerning clerk put the tv on to a Nick jr show and immediately he calmed down. Funny how tv does that. But my autistic girl said, so is the tb screening where we sit and watch the tv screen? LOVE HER! She was convinced that was it since it is what we did. However after our wait we answered some questions and were out.

Then next part was quite embarrassing and humbling. We had to go into the STD clinic for my HIV test. It was filled with colorful people of interesting character. I was so hoping nothing awkward came up and praying the kids were shielded from that stuff. God kept them shielded and I was thankful! We waited in there so long it seemed so I pulled out the Arabic alphabet and started teaching it. We also quoted our Psalm verses we are memorizing. The people in this office were not as discerning toward the need to help shield these children from the stuff in the clinic.

After this was completed we then took a stop at the police center. We got to speak to an employee who would help us with this part of the process. This building was the cleanest and most helpful. It took the least amount of time as well. I was thankful.

After this we made a quick stop at the post office, why not it was government facility day. Then off to the grocery store for a few needed items. By this time and about five hours into our adventure my autistic was beat. I however did not want to leave her in the van because of the crazy bang on your window weirdo guy who was once in that parking lot. We all then went in. Now the scene is kind of sad actually. I have little man in the front cart seat. I have my nine year old autistic girl in the big part of the cart. The entire time she sucks her thumb and lays on a pillow. While she is doing this we are fitting necessary groceries in around her.

Some greedy attitudes occur with the oldest while the youngest tries to pester the middle child. Oh Lord come quickly! I am so glad I filled up with LOTS of the Word this morning before we went in. AND prayed a powerful prayer to help us stay focused on Christ while we were in the store. Yet despite it all the little man got angry with the middle child and started pounding on her. This was of course while I was lecturing the oldest on being thankful and content with what you have. I intervene and stop it then lecture on kindness, how we never hit, and how they are to serve and protect one another.

We finally make it home unload groceries and get settled. I told my autistic child I am so proud of her how she exhibited so much self control and patience though I knew it was impossible for her without the help of the Holy Spirit. She hugs me and says, I wold do anything to make Dakota my official brother.

These words. THESE WORDS, are why we do this! This little girl who suffered greatly today in ways I cannot even understand, this girl still voices her love and sacrifice for the sake of adoption. This is wisdom and maturity beyond her years. Only the Lord can truly know what a sacrifice she has made today for the sake of adoption for He made her body and knows how each part of her is made. He knows the continual sacrifice she makes living in this world that was not made for her kind. I know His reward for her is great. Greater because she perseveres even though it is nearly impossible. She is learning to trust and depend on God.

Jesus knew the cost of reaching down to save us out of the pit of abandonment and filth. He sacrificed completely all for the sake of adoption. I was reminded of this today. I am thankful for my autistic girl. For she was my reminder of the power of Christ and His sacrifice for us all who would believe.

Aspergers is like Wall-E

Or at least that is what my sweet young nine year old asperger child tells me. I love the sweet look on her face when she can relate to someone else. It is the most precious thing. She excitedly told me that Wall-e was a lot like her.

Here is her list:
1-He is very curious.
2-He finds it hard to make friends.
3-He is exploring a world that seems foreign to him.
4-He is afraid of loud sounds and shakes when he hears them.
5-He is nice.
6-He is fun in his own way.
7-He collects things that look cool to him.
8-He can record stuff and that is kind of how she can remember things.

I always find it so interesting how much she is reflective of her own abilities and characteristics. She is so good at understanding what she can and cannot do. What she will find easy or difficult. I love this because it helps me know how to best approach certain issues with her.

She is beautiful and wonderfully made. I rejoice in that! I love how she lights up when she identifies with someone like herself.

On a serious note though and since I have not written a post on aspergers in a while I wanted to add an exciting development for her. Last year I was so afraid she would not learn how to read fluently and with accuracy. I went back to basics and taught her words by using pictures. Since her mind works in a visual way that does not forget I knew this would help. So now she can take those words she learned along with the pictures and recall them when she sees them with no corresponding pictures. It is amazing how well it worked. Of course we could not cover every word or do pictures with abstract words but something clicked and she can now work those other kind of words out. So much so she is reading currently "The Hobbit" which is on a seventh grade reading level. It brings tears to my eyes the vast difference. I am so proud of her hard work and determination. I also believe one reason she is reading "The Hobbit" so well is due to her intense interest in the story. I have heard this often about helping kids with aspergers but only experienced it now. Our next books may have to be "The Lord of the Rings" trilogy.

I write this to give you hope. If you are working with a struggling reader like I was, keep working and keep searching until you find what works for them. Each child is an unique individual and with encouragement they will finally get it. It will just click at the proper time for each individual child.

Aspergers and Birthdays

My sweet amazing nine year old girl just had her birthday and I am so amazed at her beauty and growth. I am so blessed by God to have such a precious gift. She helps me have fun and teaches me to loosen up! She is the one who stretches me like crazy too because I have no idea how to handle these issues that pop up out of the blue with aspergers.

Birthdays are part of the asperger adventure. I try to help protect her and help her cope when things are difficult. Here is a quick example of why it is hard.

1-Waiting! Waiting on a date is pure torture!!! When she realizes the date is coming it is daily planning out what she wants her day to look like, what gifts she wants, and begging me to let her celebrate early.

2-Changes! When her birthday looks different from year to year it is just pure difficult. She does not like change and this world is full of change. An example is the blessing given by the sweet lady at Chili's. She told our sweet girl she could pick any dessert for free off the menu. At first she was excited then realized when we got home we were having cake. When the dessert came out she cried about it. She wanted cake too and was concerned if she ate both she would be sick. It took much convincing that it was ok to have both and we were not going to change going home for cake! So exhausting to us both.

3-Everyone has to be happy on her birthday. As you can imagine that is difficult when life throws its own blows like sickness, tiredness because the sick one kept us up all night, and just plain old misunderstandings.

These are just a few of the challenges with aspergers and birthdays but I imagine as she gets older she will be able to handle them more and more easily. I can already see improvements from past years. There were things that upset her that happened and she did not respond inappropriately. I told her I recognized these and was so proud of her. I asked her the difference and she says, oh I am still irritated but I have learned how to be appropriate. :) Love this girl!!!

Continual Grief with Glimpses of Joy in Autism

I was at a conference listening to Nancy Guthrie speak, she is well known for her work on Grief Share. She was speaking about points of processing through grief. Grief Share is really help for the grieving process in the death of a loved one. However, I knew since I lived in a state of continual grief it would be helpful. And it was.

However, there is something permanent about death. It is something that changes you forever but it is a once and for all event. The sadness may linger but eventually people can learn to move forward. It is final. My problem is experiencing little deaths almost daily because of the disability of my daughter.

On the outside she looks perfect. You could not observe with the eye any obvious disability which makes this type of grieving a little harder because it is more lonely and isolated. Because of this I often find myself forgetting she has this brokenness. Then something happens and I remember. My heart aches and I long for our new home in Heaven and the fully abled resurrected bodies that will come with that. Come Lord Jesus.

My friend asked Mrs. Guthrie if they had any materials that addressed my issue of living a continual state of grief. I really do not think you can change this state. Every new action that shows the apparent brokenness strikes my heart with pain. And sadly there were no resources to address this kind of grief.

However, I have just started reading a book called Disability and the Gospel which so far has been insightful and helpful knowing I am not alone in this. Also, I am so thankful to God for giving us glimpses of joy. With the areas of challenge come areas of strength.

Today I got to experience the joy of seeing this. My daughter rejoiced in having autism. She said she was so glad because it was so cool. TODAY. But tomorrow new challenges will present itself. I will take today. I will take the little joys of the amazing abilities that she does have because of this. I will look at the good that will come and the joy of being constantly reminded of weakness and our need for the Savior.

I don't know if you are in this place or not of grieving quietly and continually. It is almost too much for a heart to take. Yet one day all things will be restored. Brokenness made whole. Grieving turned to joy. And until then we hold tight to God's promises in Christ. We will trust His perfect plan in allowing this life for her because He knows her best, He loves her most. That is how you walk with continual grief. You hope in the Risen Savior who loves you and is familiar with grief. Our hope is in HIM alone.

Lessons Learned from the Fire

Simplify.
One of the main things I have learned in this time away from our home is that I have way too many things. I have all I need here at this hotel room and I am not missing anything at our home. What does this mean for us? A major purge is coming! I will probably try to have a garage sale just to try to make a little money to help with our expenses through this ordeal and trial but the rest I am giving away. I cannot believe it took a fire to help me see that. I think I was just in denial really because I do complain often about messes. I see the overflow of toys and things coming into areas they should not be located. Now I am certain we just don't need all that stuff. Simplify is what is happening at the Parsley home. The girls have been talked to so I hope this transitional period will not be terribly painful for them. They have come to realize all they need they have here too.

Priorities.
Honestly I knew this already but helping my family in continually pointing them to the cross is what matters. This tight space and trial is exposing yuck in all of our hearts. It is most important we encourage one another to look to HIM who can change us. He is showing us the sin that needs to be released and let go. He is our all and main priority.

Commitment.
In life God entrusts each of us with certain trials. They are what help us become more and more like Him. They are what is given us as an honor quite honestly because we get to share in the sufferings of Christ. God does major work in these times. In this I can see that I have a renewed passion to help Hannah in her areas of struggle with Autism. Thankfully she is very high functioning to the point that unless you have a trained eye and discerning heart you will most likely miss it. However, in these trials I see her difficulties more clearly and have a renewed passion to help her through them. It is God's grace to let us go through these times of unpredictability now when she is under our care to help her learn how to handle it in a healthy way. It is hard but we are a team and work to help her.

Also, I see the work that is needed with little man. He has certain delays and issues that have become more exposed while being here but I also have a renewed passion to help him become the best young man he can become. God helps my heart see and discern. I am thankful for that.

I also have been able to see just how responsible my oldest is. How she has taken charge in a good way and been so helpful. I am really glad for her maturity in Christ and how she desires to be all God wants her to be.

My husband too I see where I am failing as a wife to him and want to be more of what he needs. Praying I will not be as worn out dealing with all these needs so I have time for him as well.  He cannot be last priority on my list.

Friends.
There are true and amazing people that God puts in your life to encourage, pray, and love on you. I am so thankful for all of them. So thankful that I would have a house to stay at or two or three if we did not have insurance. Meals provided if we did not have insurance. So many things that friends do because they care for you. I am so thankful for that and it is in trials you see this more clearly.

God's Hand in our Journey of Opening our Home

This whole journey we are on with this little guy is surreal. It has happened so fast and all along I have seen God's hand. God cares for the little children. He uses them as examples to teach us, He wants to spend time with them, God assigns angels to look directly after them. I think this is all significant. Children are a blessing we are told all through out the Bible. I see God's hand on this little guy.

First, I see him being protected. God has provided a safe stable home for him. I am thankful to be part of his story.

Second, I got well just a few weeks before we started praying about helping this little guy. I mean supernaturally well. Lyme disease is so tricky and this is the second time God just miraculously took it away from me.

Third, At court before we even met the parents we were given a court date for permanent custody. Before a "home study". We did not even go into the court room. They did not need us in there. This is the part that is supernatural. This is unheard of. I worked for several years in the juvenile court system. I have not seen this kind of thing happen and this fast.

Fourth, As we left the courthouse God produced the most magnificent full bow of a rainbow across the highway. It was a frigid, flurry like, dark cloudy day. This rainbow was a sign I will never forget. The Lord is my Banner. He is pleased with this whole situation.

Fifth, Little man has adjusted so very well. This is a miracle in itself. Often there are attachment issues that come in these situations. Yet he has attached supernaturally well. This is only by the hand of God.

Sixth, God is exposing in my own heart how selfish I am. This is coming to the surface. I now have all special needs children. Working with an emotionally sensitive gifted child, asperger child, and speech delayed/at risk child seems overwhelming but God has given me supernatural strength and peace. It is really a joy in my heart to teach them all at the places they have needs. Yet at times I want to escape! God is allowing me to run to Him. He is providing insight and strength. He must be my wisdom and strength in this.

Seventh, I did not think I could love someone the way I do this child because I did not birth him but God is providing supernatural love. I am amazed at how full my heart is in this.

Eighth, My children are displaying such fruit of the Spirit as we adjust to a little man in our home who likes to get into everything. He had no boundaries so it is a slow process of teaching. But their hearts are like gold in it. I see evidence of their walking in the Spirit. It is a blessing to this mother's heart. In fact in all honesty I am seeing my entire family surpass me in faith and maturity.

Overall this story God is writing in our lives at this time is amazing because it is not of our doing but the work of God. I love seeing His hand all over things. I yearn for it and I am so blessed to be able to see it so clearly at this time. That is grace.

Our New Family Dynamic - Quickly Entering The World of Boys

I am sure many of you have questions about our exciting news! Our family of four is quickly turning into a family of five. It is an exciting turn of events for our family because we have been praying about adopting a boy for some time. When God starts opening your heart to something it may not always take the form that you originally thought.

As you know our initial adoption process came to a halt when we finally realized our youngest daughter had aspergers disorder. You can read about that here. We needed some time to process and figure out how to work together well as a family within autism. Yet adoption always remained on our heart. Knowing God would work it out in due time if it was part of His plan.

Then here recently at random times the girls started asking when we would adopt? They wanted us to start the process again. It was strange how it kept coming up. Again, we started praying about it. This has to be something the entire family is in agreement on for us.

Then busy, sweet, three year old Dakota crashed into our lives. A week ago we felt impressed by the Spirit to pray about bringing him into our home. He is not able to stay with his parents at this time. If someone did not step in he would be going into state custody. We stepped up in faith and now he will be with us. We are so excited to add him to our family. We already love him and see him as part of our family. It is crazy how full our hearts are of love for him. This is only possible because God fills us with His love, in turn we can pour out that same love. It is not quite adoption or fostering. It is something we never considered before, taking custody with the hopes of family reunification. The family has some work to do to be considered a safe place for him to stay.

Over the next two weeks he will be transitioning into our home. Then on the 26th legally and officially part of our family in the eyes of the court. For the past three months he has been at my friends home with two of his other brothers. You can read her post about that here.

In our unique situation we must take things one day at a time, pray for the families involved and trust God's plan. After all Christ promises us,  "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you" (John 14:18). It is for the sake of the gospel. It is grace. It is a new adventure that will be life changing for us all. It will make us more like Him.

New Natural Colloidial Silver 30ppm for Lyme

Now I am done with the Oil of Oregano. I am so happy to say that for now. I know I have felt bad. That may be a good thing because feeling bad is a good thing with Lyme. It means that those horrible bacteria are being killed off. Not sure how much progress I have made.

I know that my eating has a big part of it as well. And supplements. We went to a Mexican restaurant, my oldest daughters favorite. We got the cheese dip like we always do but I did not eat it. My husband said, is this bad? Do you feel really bad you are not eating this? Are you tempted? Pondering if we should just not get it anymore. I appreciate that.

However, I told him I know how bad I feel when I eat certain things and it is not worth that. I told him I look at it like ingesting poison. It is simply not worth it. I am finding the things I can eat and sticking with them. We don't live to eat after all we eat to live. That has been helping my perspective. I think my body is healing slowly.

I am surprised though because I was losing weight but it has come to a stand still it seems. I know I need to lose more but it is stagnant. Probably because of my lack of exercise but I am not there yet. I can do simple stretches. Just walking from my car to get inside a place is enough exercise for me now. My body cannot take anymore.

This phase of my plan on building my immune system is requiring more rest for me. I am not doing as well with that yet but I am trying to make it a habit. In your sleep is where your body really heals. I am trying to have less stress as well but here where there is constant misunderstanding it is hard. I am trying to let it roll off my shoulders. Mix up a group of people with invisible illnesses and communication problems among it then you are bound to get quarreling. We could use prayer there. We each see our weaknesses and are seeking God to help us fix them.

The silver sounds weird to me but I will start it soon and report how it works. It has no taste or smell so I am very ready for that. I know it at least will taste better. Anything has too. I will take 1tsp/3xday with a 10 oz. glass of water. I am giving my body a couple of days of rest before starting the next one though. 

Source: teacherspayteachers.com via Angela on Pinterest

Love this chart! These are some of the social skills that need to be taught to my child with aspergers. There are so many things we say in our language that really don't make literal sense but somehow as we grow we just understand what it means. No one really teaches it we just pick it up. With Aspergers my daughter is not able to do that so we have to teach these things. It has really made me aware of our speech. If you really paid attention to your words in a given day you would probably see that we say so many things that would be considered slang. I really liked this chart that just named a few for us to go over and learn.

Found this chart also browsing Pinterest! Can you name any other Idioms?

If You Hear, I am Team Jacob - Don't Judge Me

There is an unsettling statement that keeps coming out of my daughters mouth. "I am team Jacob!" Of course I know what this means. I have heard the whole Twilight saga story. It is pop culture. Seen even some of the movies. They keep me curious. I really don't get the obsession with vampires and werewolves. I just don't get it. I have a friend who loves the books and she tells me about them. They seem to have good back stories to them which I love in character development so I understand that but really they are obsessive and dark. Plus to top it off people have been having seizures watching this latest one is what the news has reported. How crazy right? Anyway, I am not going to hate on you if you like these movies, I just really don't.

Back to my daughter. She keeps saying she is team Jacob. So I ask her, honey what do you mean? She said from that movie, he is the werewolf right not the vampire? She can identify which character he is. She learns this as she is out in public. These characters are out in public all around us, on shirts, posters, cardboard stand ups, movies, dolls, etc. I don't readily see these things they go over my head. Yet because she processes visually and has been seeing this stuff and processing pop culture she all of a sudden says, "I am team Jacob." She has no idea what it means. Except she thinks a werewolf is better. She can debate why. If you hear her say it out in public which she probably will please don't judge me. I don't let her read the books. I don't let her watch the movies. I don't even let her see the previews. She just learns visually so this is what pop culture in our stores is teaching her. Interesting. You cannot shield your children from it unless you stay away from the stores. It is pop culture. It is everywhere.
 

Another example of this is Justin Bieber. He is everywhere you look. We did not know about this boy until my girl started talking about him. I wondered why she was obsessed about him. Where she heard or saw him. She really did not like him at all. She saw his face everywhere and socially she could not understand it. It is those social things of pop culture she does not understand. Though we had nothing of him around she knew all about him. She picks this up visually from her culture. It is an interesting thing. I know the new trends from her. She sees what I do not. She studies it because she does not understand.

So don't judge what you do not know. I am just happy she is picking up some of the social world. She is interested and trying to learn it. That is what is so interesting about her. That is why I am so sure she is going to do well with aspergers. She knows what she does not understand and is very eager to learn, so much so she takes it on herself to learn it. I love that about her.

A Good Story Involves Conflict - How to Develop a Good Character God's Way

From almost the moment of conception I have prayed that my girls would be women who would have gentle and quiet spirits from 1 Peter 3:4 and obedient hearts. Also that they would love the word of God more than life itself. Lofty prayers. But God loves us so much that He delights in these kind of prayers. He answers these kinds of prayers. These are the prayers that are His will and are according to His Scripture.

If He tells us, "Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God" (1 Peter 1:3-4). Then He means this. This is His desire for us. So this is a prayer that will be answered.

However, in our fast food, microwave it please culture I just assumed that my children would pop out of my womb with this quality. Yet that is not how character development happens. God is writing an amazing story through our lives. And the Holy Spirit must work this kind of meekness of spirit into us. It is not something we can do on our own. It takes training. We must receive this training but He works it. So how does He train us in meekness? As I was reading, "As Silver Refined" by Kay Arthur this paragraph really struck me about meekness.

It states, "Meekness is born in stress, in trials, in affliction, in conflict...in difficulties. Meekness is born in situations that humble you. This meekness that God so highly values in your life will show itself--prove itself--in oppression and pressure and disappointment. It is true for God's people Israel, and it's true for you and me."

Now that is a powerful statement. Meekness in our character is a process. My prayers are being answered through the difficulties we experience. My chronic illness gives my children a chance to humble themselves by having a weak mom when others do not. They are denied many activities others are not. We are dealing with special needs in our house with requires much more patience and understanding. I could go on and on about the opportunity for trials we experience daily. They are opportunity to develop beautiful young ladies answering my prayers.

Now obedience is also learned in a funny way. It is learned through suffering...Hebrews 5:8 states about Jesus, "Even though Jesus was God’s Son, he learned obedience from the things he suffered." Now if Jesus Himself humbled Himself completely and had to learn obedience this way why would be exempt? Look at your sufferings in whatever form as opportunities for a good story. Live your story well. Let your character develop fully into what God is making it into. He sees the end. And it is good. Very good. Don't pray what you are not serious about. You may just get what you asked for. But I can tell you I do not regret a thing. Developing in an exciting story as crazy as it is is worth it if we are becoming more and more like Him in the process. 

Lastly...As we suffer through trials it does drive us into the Word of God. It drives us into the Father's arms. So as we walk through these hard things a natural by product is cherishing and loving His word as we come to know and love HIM. Would love your thoughts on this. Has it changed your perspective?

Making Peace with Autism/Aspergers

When you find out the news that you are pregnant, automatically you start dreaming dreams of what your child will be like. You imagine so many good things. Then when he or she arrives you get to hold them and dream some more. So many hopes for their future spin around in your head. There too however are worries that may come up. You may wonder if your child is "normal?" Are they developing at the same pace as their friends? Are they learning things like they should? Are they able to share?

If you are a parent like me you notice things. I started to notice things were not "normal" early on. I even remember praying, "God please do not let my child have autism." I see this as grace. God was preparing my heart early on. If His answer was no to this prayer it must be for good reasons. Reasons I can trust though I cannot fully understand. He is still God in control of all things and He is still good.

As the years progressed more and more evidence started to show up. However it was a bit tricky. Aspergers in girls looks much different than in boys. And no two kids with this are the same. It is not a text book diagnosis. It takes time in observation to recognize and pinpoint.

Today is the official day we can say yes our daughter has asperger's syndrome. Wow, typing it is even hard. It is something we have been suspecting and talking about but because of her age there was still a small hope that perhaps she would grow out of it. The thought was perhaps it is just developmental delay of some sort. But she is eight and is not growing out of things that she should while not growing into things that most her age do.

Asperger's is a journey that can be exhausting at times. You have to imagine moving yourself into a foreign planet. The entire culture does not make sense to you. Things are often too loud or bright. Things smell or taste funny. People's facial expressions do not make sense to you. You cannot understand their body language it seems more like a secret code. Sometimes the people say things that make no sense what so ever. It can be a tough world to navigate and you are just a kid. This is what it is like to live with aspergers.

Fortunately these skills can be taught but it takes a lot of time, effort and practice. Social skills are just something that are hard for those with aspergers. However, my daughter is a great mimicker. She can wear a mask for short periods of time that mask these issues. It is a coping skill, pretending as she watches and learns. So as you see her you will probably not even realize how difficult social situations are for her. I learn new things about this everyday. She has an amazing ability to express her difficulties to me. I am thankful for that.

We trust through it all God is in control. In this we find comfort and peace. It is His gospel of grace that keeps us on course and where we place our hope. One day we will be in Heaven where autism and other conditions will no longer exist. We will trust while here these challenges will grow us and make us more like Him. We are in desperate need for Him.

"Let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up".~ Hebrews 12:1b-3

Autism, A Tool to AId in Dying Daily

I have hesitated to write about this but maybe it will be an encouragement to someone out there. You cannot even begin to imagine how difficult it is for us to adjust to the realities of aspergers disorder as a family. When your child has special needs it changes the family in a huge way. Everyone must pitch in to help and die continually to self.

Now this is a good thing generally because God says to us;

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. ~Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me."~Luke 9:23

We have been given the gift of experiencing teamwork and dying daily through autism. Yet as we adjust to this we must combat anger. Anger when the flesh resists dying or resists working together. It is in the pressure cooker of life that we are purified. I am thankful for this yet it does not make it easier. However if you asked me if I could change it I would have to tell you no. I love my daughter the way she is, I trust God to help me know how to best raise and equip her the way she needs. I trust Him the One who knit her together in my womb and His unique purpose for her.

 

Small Victories, Social Skills, and Autism

With our autism experience we have found that our daughter has many food aversions and requirements. She is such a small girl so we just want her to eat. I don't mind this issue much. We dochallenge her to try new things even just a bite and get happy and celebrate when she does. 

Today some lessons were learned. As we were starting our school day my youngest kept saying she wanted toast. When she envisions toast it has to be toasted, no crust, peanut butter and grape jelly spread just right. As I was reading our Bible lesson my oldest was preparing toast for herself. She thought it would be a nice thing to serve her sister.

She brought out a piece of toast to my youngest but it still had the crust on it. It was slathered with butter that was still visible and clumpy jelly. I knew this was going to be an issue. I watched the situation play out. My youngest just looked and slowly took the plate. She said thank you. She paused and then approached me and whispered her dislike of it wondering what to do about it. I am so proud of her practicing her social skills. I know our social skills training is working!! Before she would have said something like, "Yuck I can't eat this." She said, "Thank You." That is a HUGE step.

I told her it is okay to accept a gift graciously and not eat it. Then I was worried about my oldest who is highly sensitive. I was afraid she would have her feelings hurt and be hardened in serving her sister again. But as I whispered prayer to God and watched her countenance it was joyful and peaceful. She was okay. She understood she can serve in joy because God calls us to serve for Him alone, not based on the response our service brings. What a thrill! Thank you Father for using these things to teach us these lessons. Oh to be more and more like You. That is the goal. Love this little victory. I want to remember this. So I write it down as a memorial stone.

Our World of Autism - Expressing Love with Difficulties

We have a real difficult time in this area between siblings. My oldest child is a highly sensitive child. She thinks that everyone should cry things out together and hug to work out conflict. My youngest child does not like to do much of anything but apologize and forgive with words quickly. She is sincere in this and repentant but wants to move on. She does not see a benefit in hugging and crying. As you can imagine this set up for conflict resolution is extremely troubling for the two of them. It is a continual struggle in our house.

My youngest has aspergers syndrome. She does not like her sister to hug her what so ever. Only on very special occasions does she allow a hug. She will tolerate a hug for coming and going but that is it. The only exception she makes to this rule is for her parents to hug her. I think this is because we know the right pressure she needs for this. She is uncomfortable truly if the right pressure is not applied. In other words hugs can be painful.

However, her sister does not understand at all. She sees it as a further assault. The absence of a hug is what is painful to her. Oh how I wish I could get her to understand. The problem I hear with some other parents of autistic children is that at times they are even uncertain if their children with autism love them. This breaks my heart. It is hard to know I am sure when they do not hug or express emotion too deeply. But they do love.

Today this is what played out.  I have been teaching my oldest to see the signs of love her sister expresses. My oldest came to me for hugs. She was bawling because she was so upset. She really felt unloved by her sister. She cried for probably ten minutes. (It was a big blow up.) I held her and let her cry and talk it out and cry some more. My youngest runs to get her legos out and built a sign with them. It was her sister's name and a heart. She came in and marched around holding it up. It is her way of expressing love.

It was not enough because the oldest could not see this as love because it was not a hug. So the youngest girl goes out and builds this cool design and brings it in for her. Here sister I built this for you. Again, an attempt to show love. As I explained this concept to her she started to understand. She cried some more mourning the ability to be loved on by a sister the way she desires. As we calmed down and talked it through her sister came back yet again and started doing some crazy funny dance for us. She just desires for us to laugh. She does not want to see her sister cry yet a hug is too hard for her. A hug would have stopped this whole ordeal but it is one of those things that many kids with autism struggle with.

Love is shown differently with this condition. You just have to look for it. Know they are fiercely loyal and when you need someone to go to bat for you they will be there for you. It is just going to look different. It is the way their world works. I am praying we can all understand this and know how to best express love to one another.