When He Won't Lead

I am saddened these days by women who are in marriages where their husbands will not lead. It is occurring all around us. I can only guess the deep rooted reason for this is due to the fall of man in the garden. In the garden the couple was free. Completely free with one another even in their nakedness. Can you imagine being completely free? I mean really take a moment to imagine the garden, perfect freedom, no shame, perfect submission. Then you also had the perfect presence of God with you too! We cannot even begin to know what this was like because we have never been without the experience of sin.

God had a plan and gave an intentional order to things. In marriage even pre fall the husband was meant to lead. Husband and wife reigned together but he was the head. Just as the trinity has a head in the Father, marriage has a head in the husband. This never was to make the woman less. She holds the same value just holds a different role. This is God's way. It is beautiful. It is a blessed and beautiful dance when done right.  It can shine the gospel brightly to a dying world.

Because of sin men have often swayed from dominating women or being passive toward women. Both of these extremes are wrong. We have seen both roles play out through out history. God's plan is beautiful when applied correctly. A godly man will trust in what Christ has done for him and lead by faith in servant leadership like his Christ. He will not do it perfectly for only Christ is perfect but he will do his best as he keeps his eyes fixed on Christ.

Yet when our husband does not lead how are we to respond? These are some things I have learned that I think are helpful. I have pondered them as I rejoice at the leadership role my husband has embraced now when in the beginning of our marriage he did not.

1-Pray! I cannot even begin to tell you how important this is. Do it! Pray for your man faithfully. Pick Scripture to pray over him. God will move. He will move in your heart too as you do this. When you get the urge to nag or complain stop yourself and pray! God will move but sometimes it takes time. I have seen so much more accomplished through cries to the Lord rather than nagging toward my man.

2-Respect him. I know this may seem hard especially if you have become bitter or hardened of heart from doing things yourself most of the time but he needs your respect as a man and as another image bearer of Christ. Don't criticize him. He needs you to be his biggest cheerleader.

3-Live the gospel out before his eyes. 1 Peter 3 tells us that our behavior has a great effect on them. It is through our Christ like behavior they can be won over without a word. This happened in my marriage.

4-Trust God is sovereign. God can work through anyone and He will work through your husband. It can be scary to let go and trust him to lead but God works this way in marriage. Trust God in His good design for biblical marriage. Resist that urge you have to take over. Let him have room to fail and learn. Love him well.

Of course you can only do this if you are in Christ. Let your man be what God created him to be ladies! It will do lots for him and your marriage. Praying for us now that we will give husbands room to lead. That we will respect them and trust God is in control. If you are struggling in this area let me pray for you. Shoot me an email. I think that this time is such an important time to fight for our biblical marriages and shine that biblical example that reflects Christ and the church since marriage as we know it is fully under attack. Let's fight to do it right in Christ!