Your Son is so....

I never imagined how difficult this journey of receiving full custody would be for us! I absolutely love this kid and do consider him my son, however, I know he is not fully. The situation of legal custody is very serious by Tennessee law, we have all rights of having this child as our son. We are also responsible for meeting all of his needs. Also, the law states that it will be difficult for parents to get their children back in this situation (which is strange to me because I did not know this part of the law upon agreement). So in all cases it is like he is my son, however, come every two weeks he has visits with his biological family.

Those times are a reminder and a knife in my heart. I am glad for the reminder because it keeps me in the reality of the seriousness of this situation. The bleeding heart is because I sit and watch his parents not fight to get him back. So it puts me personally in a stage of limbo. It seems that he will be with us forever at this point. I am glad about that but it makes things unsettled in my heart. For the first time in my life I cannot say what I think my future will look like. I wish we had some finality to this whole thing like reunification or adoption but none seem close to this day.

As I live daily pouring into this sweet and excitable little guy I fall more and more in love. I am his mother in all practical ways. Yet when people make comments about him when we go out which happens almost every time that stab comes back. Do I say, well he is not my son actually? Or do I just go with it and say thanks? So far I have been praying through this. There are times when it can bring supreme glory to God. Our situation. But there are other times that it is just a passing comment.

Then there is a pride check going on too. Often people ask me how old he is. I reply, 3. Then I usually hear this puzzled kind of Oh coming from them. It is strange and at first I kind of ignored it. But these people are usually the ones who have young kids or have been through this stage. Then I am wanting to say quickly, Oh well he is delayed because of some things that happened to him that were out of my control...Oh my wicked heart! So again, I stay silent and just nod. It is what it is. One day I hope he won't look delayed as we work with him. He is learning things so quickly and speaking much more. His pronunciation needs a lot of improvement though but we keep working.

So how do I respond to those comments about my son? I will just prayerfully see what God puts in my heart and mind and hopefully be able to submit my mouth to His control then respond appropriately. Oh Lord no matter how this turns out may your name be greatly glorified and just maybe a little boy will grow up into a man who you dazzle into being one of Yours. I see your hand all over him! Your Name be glorified!