No one ever thinks about explaining the act of divorce to their little children, that is until you are in the middle of it. My brother has been through this situation. He has a child who is the same age as my oldest daughter. They visit and play together about once a year.
Though they only get together once a year, Kaitlyn had to face the reality that not all things are permanent. She saw how marriages can be broken. She saw how her cousin had to go back and forth from living in one house to another. She saw the separation in her seven year old eyes. It has rocked her world more than I ever could know.
The problem now is that at any inclination of a disagreement between my husband and I, my sweet child talks to us about promising to stay together. She expresses not wanting to go back and forth to my house and daddy's house. We explain that nothing can separate us and that we will disagree and become upset with one another at times but that will not split us up. My heart breaks for the pain she feels about it. The worry she feels. She should not have to carry that weight.
I just had to make an entry about this because it has been on my heart and I have now seen the consequences in a place I never expected. I always thought divorce only effected the immediate families that were involved but now I see it effects so much more.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
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7 comments:
Divorce is devastating and the effects can last a lifetime. My oldest two children are my husbands. His ex-wife has wreaked more havoc in their life than I can put to words. Luckily, they divorced when the children were still in diapers, so they were still so young when we married that they get to see what a stable - God-driven marriage is supposed to be like. (We have always had custody of them). My younger two children still don't understand why the older two have to leave every other weekend when they don't want to - but I'm trusting God that He has something miraculous to come of it in the end.
I can so relate, my friend! My in-laws are recently divorced and it is hard on my boys. But I have told them that daddy and I are different because Jesus is the one that holds us together. I compare it to them. Being brothers doesn't stop just because they have a disagreement. Thus mine and daddy's marriage will not stop either...regardless o disagreements. This world is tough...but praise the Lord we have His solid truth to stand on and base our lives and marriage on. THAT is the truth our kids need to know!
hugs, mariel
(PS I have an award for you at my place!)
Yes divorce is a living death of life as it should be. I am a child of divorce and I believe so in the covenant of marriage. I believe there is a time for some marriages to end in divorce. I know that upsets folks, but I do much hands on ministry. But I love the work of Covenant Keepers. It is amazing how many impossible situations God has reversed; even ones that had divorces that He rebuilds on His convenant with that husband and wife.
Yes, we must understand all that is killed in a wide circle in divorce.
Loved this....thank you for coming to us so honestly and personally.
I love Kaitlyn so much. Hearing this makes me want to cry and makes me want to love my man even more so our children can feel that much more secure. Praying for your brother and his daughter. It is a good thing your brother has such a wonderful sister and that his little girl has the best cousins ever.
Oh sweet friend. We are dealing with the very same thing right now. My sister just went through a divorce. This is the first holiday season and it has been so hard for us all. Chad has been a great uncle and can understand just what our nephew is going through...that has made me grieve for him and what he and his sister went through as children...
AT our church we have offer the most wonderful programs for adults and children called Divorce Care and Divorce Care 4 Kids. I would highly recommend adults and kids experiencing separation or divorce to go through these programs. You can find a location that offers them in your area at www.divorcecare.org.
Divorce is truly horrible and no one really thinks much about the children. I have been through a divorce but fortunately there were no children involved.
Leah
Poor Kaitlyn. :( I remember going through a phase of being scared of that myself. My heart goes out to the children who have to live through that themselves!
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