Wednesday, July 9, 2014
On Losing Those Things Dear
My heart aches like a tight ball that wants to burst forth yet I wall it up, it is impenetrable because I have cemented walls around it right now. I am in survival mode. Everyone around me is experiencing loss. I am too but I am trying not to feel it.
They say the deeper the love, the greater the loss. I am not ready for it. I numb my heart with thick impenetrable walls. I am trying to be strong for now. The floodgates that hold back the waterfalls about to burst from my eye lids are waiting, I deny them.
Death, it is occurring presently before me. Loss is death; death of something. At the present, I am losing something most dear to me. One of the greatest gifts that God has ever given to me; my dearest friend. She has been with me through great suffering and loss and the greatest and highest joys. We have walked many roads and grown together down them. I am so very thankful for this time and realize I cannot hold on to anyone or anything too tightly. Another path is meant for her now as well as for me and I rejoice in that but with that comes great sadness. It really doesn't come with adequate words. Only tears, tears that God will collect in that bottle of tears (Psalm 56:8) where He records my sorrows. For my sorrows are important to Him.
I can press on in this loss because I know God has the most amazing plans for our separate paths. I remember this life is a breath and then we will have all of eternity together. I remember our paths now require a greater sacrifice but I linger now in the present that still exists before the impending day of loss; that great day of shaking. I loathe this day but it is bittersweet. For I know His plans are greater than any we can even think up or imagine (Ephesians 3:20).
I don't know how I will move forward yet after the great day of loss, but I know God will help me. Life will go on as it always does. I will mourn. I will eventually accept this new reality and find a way to adapt. I know to move forward I have to let those walls of stone crumble down, and it will hurt most terribly, but I know the One who exchanges our heart of stone for a heart of flesh will hold me and comfort me in my great time of loss. I know I can trust Him with my heart, so I will, but for now I will let tears flow as I write, then I will be strong again until the day of loss.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Dear Friend! I am weeping with you in your loss and praying for you all.
Feeling your hurt and understanding it, too. Will pray for all. God will strengthen and help you and uphold you with his righteous right hand Love you.
Love you!
Post a Comment