The Pressure is Off Mom - Growing in the Grace of Parenting

I find it interesting that when my biological children were the age of our soon to be adopted son they were expressing great love for God. They knew in some ways that they were sinners who needed a Savior. They delighted in following after Jesus. This was their life. This is what they lived. This is what they were taught.

Our little man has a tiny interest in the things of God. It worries my heart. I am not sure why except that I know if you taste and see the Lord is good there is no where else to go! When you see His beauty there is not greater thing. I desire him to understand this too even in just a little way that a 4 year old can. I want him to desire to do what is right in response to this.

Yet the danger in this is moralism. I could demand him to tow a strict line of rules. I could try to share the joy of Jesus in following these rules. This however is not right. It is backwards. We follow the rules with joy when we know His love for us. When we know how deeply blessed we are because He chose us! Little man cannot see this yet. In fact I fear some of my older children's obedience comes from moralism.

I am so thankful that God is opening my eyes to some things as I get another chance at parenting a young one.

1-It is not up to me for my children to come to know Jesus--God is sovereign.
"For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God" (Ephesians 2:8). Of course I need to share the good news. I need to authentically walk it out. I need to show the love of Christ to them. But only God can move in their hearts. Of course he does not know how to respond, he was never taught but this is good. He will be less likely to cling to the rules in order to be good. His heart is more honest. I am fully convinced that parenting keeps us completely dependent on Christ if we truly desire to see fruit in our children's lives. We know we cannot make the fruit grow. We must trust as we watch and wait in faith as we faithfully do the watering and planting.

2-Moralism and right living does not get to the true heart of the matter. This is a dangerous place to live for it is saturated with idolatry. Your identity is in the ability to be "good" rather than "hidden in Christ." Instead we need to know that He was good, the only one good enough to keep all the rules, and by His sacrifice and trading places with us we are saved. Not by perfection but by grace through what He has done on our behalf. Period.

3-Parenting by threat or guilt is not going to work over time. 
You may get some immediate results but they will not last. If we threaten our children and rule by fear they will only become moralist who outwardly behave but inwardly curse us. We are raising hypocrites, pharisees with this type of parenting.

If we use guilt we raise people pleasing kids who only desire to do what makes others like them or find value in them. Identity in what others think of them, which is idolatry, not in Christ alone.

My oldest daughter asked me once, "Mom does Jesus yell at me?" Oh that crushed me. I knew she was seeing Jesus as she saw me in her life. The irritable mom who snaps words and commands in a not so friendly tone. I replied, "NO! Jesus does not yell at us or treat you the way I do. I am so sorry I need Him to move and change me as much! Let's ask Him to help Mommy."

Moms, pray for your children.God will move and work in their hearts as you faithfully live and disciple them. Show them the love of Jesus but when you mess up don't condemn yourself for there is no condemnation for us in HIM. Just get back up and move forward. Only Jesus could do this perfectly. Let your children know that you need the gospel as much as them. It is never too late. Be faithful. Ask God to help you.

So truly the pressure is off, it is not up to me. God has got this under His sovereign control. He is working in the secret places of all of my children's hearts as much as He is in mine. He is moving us from one degree of glory to another as we look to Him and what He has done. There is amazing beauty in His sacrifice for us while we were still sinners. He did this with joy that was set before Him. He saw us redeemed and that kept Him nailed there. That kept Him silent when attacked. What amazing love! May we understand this more fully so we can spread it to our children and all the others He places around us.