Oh can I just tell you that I am struggling with some kind of anger. It is just under the surface. I have been pondering and praying about this and God has been showing me some of the things in my heart. I need to be honest, this process is very painful. Yet God only shows us things and lets us feel things that will drive us closer to Him.
Today, I had to get my children some new tennis shoes for camp. Though I wanted it to be a fun experience I felt myself becoming annoyed with my children because our time was short. I didn't want to feel this way and I prayed but I found myself too easily snapping at them. That is not what they needed. Especially since they will be away from me for the entire day.
When we arrived to camp in their anxiety I found myself annoyed with them yet again about feeling insecure. Instead of being a safe place for them I let them down. I feel wretched and awful. I feel like the absolute worst mother of all. But in my lacking God is there for them.
God revealed to me that because most every thing in my life is unstable right now, because of uncertain choices, I am having a hard time trusting. I am having a hard time taking His yoke upon me. His burden is easy. I am taking on too much myself. I do this without knowing it. The instability has shaken me to the core but in that it reveals what is in my heart and where my security has been. God is our Rock and in Him alone is where we need to place that.
Father, forgive me for the things in my heart. Purify it. Lord, forgive me for not trusting you enough. Lead me into Your yoke alone. Lord, thank You for being the solid Rock upon which I stand. In Jesus Name. Amen.