Sometimes when I see people running and training for things, it makes my heart sad. I really want to rejoice with them and for them and I do, but the consequence of it is seeing my own deficiency. It really should not be a big deal yet I fight back tears every. single. time.
I used to be an athlete. I used to be a competitive dancer and runner. I used to be in great shape and I loved every step that came with dance. I loved how I felt like I could fly. I also especially loved running when I was angry. There is something about the thrill of hashing out problems in your mind while your feet crush the pavement below that is exhilarating. Especially on black asphalt, that is the best. The sound and smell of it even now delights my soul.
However, that is of the past; At least for now. I know God can heal but sometimes He chooses not to. That is my reality. It is okay most days. I can walk along and live my life to the very fullest capacity. I can walk my race toward Him boldly and confidently but then I look around and I stumble some because there are so many runners. These runners are fast and in great shape. They have the strength of Samson, I often feel like Job in the dust, sitting feeling like I have nothing to offer.
But it is not true, I am not sitting, I am walking, sometimes I get a burst of strength to run, sometimes I crawl. Often I crawl. I will fight with all of my strength to move toward Him. I am on a journey home. My body, just like yours, is meant to die on the Earth. It will give out one day. No one lives here forever but in Heaven our bodies will be amazing! I cannot wait! Yet it spurns an urgency in my heart because too many people are running but not knowing where they are going. Too many are seeking gifts but not the Giver. Too many people are lost with out a Savior. As I sit, I pray.
In whatever strength He gives you, serve. Serve well, love well. Don't forget to help the weak. Don't make them feel in the way or like a dead weight. Don't make them feel less because God has not healed them. Love them. Learn from them. We are all on this journey together. All we get is a blip of time to live well for Him.
Because of the invisible illness I live with is so controversial, it is not certain how it will turn out. Doctors cannot even agree on it. I am only one of many living with Chronic Lyme Disease. However, many would say that Chronic Lyme does not even exist. That statement alone makes it hurt even worse. The manifestation of my Lyme mimics MS for me and as I write, scary things are happening to my body. They do randomly and without warning. But I refuse to live in fear! God is the remover of my fear. I will trudge on and will serve in the strength that He has given me.
Runners, do not take the ability to run free for granted because at any moment you could lose it. Health is not a guaranteed gift. Weakness is not either, as soon as weakness comes it can lift. Either stage God allows you in, live it to the fullest for Him. He is the goal. He is all that matters. Use each stage to be mindful of Him.
In weakness praise Him for being your strength. In strength praise Him for the gift. Don't take anything for granted. Run, walk or crawl your race but by all means keep going! Press through the pain. It is worth it! I promise. Maybe one day crawling will look as cool as running. You never know.
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